Naruto Randomness
by Princess Malika
Summary: What the title implies: a series of totally random Naruto fanfics and OOCs. READ IT IF YOU WANT TO LOL. By the way, stories consist of major violence and some suggestive content, so proceed with caution...
1. Chapter 1: The Love Triangles

Disclaimer-I didn't create Naruto, nor its characters (its creator did). I did, however, created half the plot-the other half is due to my co-writer, Craftygirl.

WARNING!!! The story is REALLY random and characters are VERY OOC.

* * *

Unexpectedly, Rock Lee asked Sakura out on a date, but _more_ surprisingly was Sakura's response: "Sure." 

Sasuke saw it all, and was immediately jealous! He went up to Lee and socked him in the gut!

Sakura couldn't believe Sasuke was acting this, "Sasuke! What's wrong with you?!"

"What's wrong with _you_? I thought you liked _me_!" Sasuke demanded.

Sakura was appalled. "_What_ did you just say?! Sasuke, this isn't like you at all!"

Sasuke was about to say something, then hesitated. _Why _am_ I acting this way? _

Good question.

So anyway, it was then that Lee finally brought himself together ('cause he's not that weak!), and demanded to Sasuke, "Hey! What gives?!"

Sasuke shoved Lee onto the ground. "This is none of your concern," Sasuke dryly told him.

Lee did a Primary Lotus on Sasuke, rendering the Uchiha unconscious. "Well, this is none of _your_ concern, since you were the one who butted in on _us_!"

Finally, she saw her beloved 'Sasuke-kun' out cold, and her faithfulness for him returned, and she immediately snapped, "How _could_ you, Lee? I thought you were a better person than that. And just for that, I'm not going to go out with you anymore."

Lee was crushed. "What? But I thought this was what you wanted! Well then…if you are going to be like that, Sakura, then I do not care! I will just steal Tenten away from Neji then!"

"Fine. Go ahead. I don't care," Sakura coldly told him, but within her, she felt a bit depressed that Lee would so quickly disregard her.

And then Lee felt guilty too, especially since he only said that in response to what Sakura said. But Lee had already spoken his assertion, and he dared not back out on his word. Besides, the icy sting of Sakura's reply to his only made him more defiant to move on with his wild 'promise'.

That is…until Neji appeared from behind the trees, "What's that you said about going out with Tenten?" he demanded, glaring at him with his Byakugan eyes, "Don't you know Tenten belongs to _me_?!"

At first, Lee was a bit surprised at Neji's sudden appearance. And he never really wanted to 'steal' Tenten from Neji. But as Sakura was watching… "Tenten belongs to no one. And even if she does, she does not belong to you, but to me."

Sasuke suddenly popped up. "Okay, works for me!" He then grabbed Sakura by the wrist. "C'mon, Sakura, let's leave these weirdos alone to argue."

Sakura was a bit irritated that Sasuke could so easily boss her around like this, but as she was madder at Lee than Sasuke, she let Sasuke drag her away.

Surprisingly, Lee didn't even notice the two leaving; he solely focused his attention on Neji, who snapped, "Tenten will never belong to you, you FAILURE!!!!"

"Failure?! _You're_ the one that's the failure!" Lee countered, glaring heatedly at Neji. His hands positioned to fight, if necessary.

Neji sunk down into his Gentle Fist style. "I wouldn't say that if I were you."

Lee did his well-known attack as well… the Hidden Lotus.

Neji died. And then Tenten (who had secretly been watching) came running out to his dead body. "Oh, no! NNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEJJJJJJJJJJJJJJIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!"

"_Oops…" _Lee said to himself regrettably, _"I did not wish to _kill_ Neji… … …but now that I have, he is not someone to worry about any more. Now, I can win all the girls…except Sakura… … …hmm…if I have slain Neji… why not Sasuke, too?" _

So then, Lee went off to kill Sasuke as well, leaving Tenten alone to cry over her beloved Neji. But it was then that Lee had his backed turned, that Tenten suddenly threw a kunai at the back of his head, making Lee die on instant.

That's Tenten's perfect aim for you. But Might Guy saw the murder that Tenten committed, and since Tenten was his least favorite student…

Yeah, he snapped Tenten's neck.

Kakashi saw the whole thing, and immediately thought less of Guy, who had just killed his own student. _That's no way for a jonin to act!_ So then Kakashi did his chidori on Guy, severing Guy's head and wiping out the last member of Team Guy.

So now all of Team Guy is dead. Whoo-hoo! Nobody likes Team Guy, anyways, right? Hopefully, this is the end of the unpredictable killing spree?

Anyway, while all of this was happening, Sasuke finally took Sakura on a date. Unfortunately, the place their date was held was where Naruto was, also…

They met up with Naruto at the Ichiraku, and Sasuke thought he was done for, until he found Naruto sitting next to Hinata!

Naruto sincerely liked Hinata, but Hinata was positive that Naruto still liked Sakura, and so she decided to test her suspicions out. At the same time, Sasuke thought the same thing, and also wanted to confirm whether it was true.

Hinata gently nudged Naruto, who finally broke free from his ramen slurping. "Hey, er, Naruto…Sakura's here…did you notice?"

Naruto glanced up at Sakura, who didn't say anything. "Oh hey, guys! Are you two out on a date or something?"

Sasuke blushed at the comment. "Yeah…" he hesitantly revealed. And, not wanting to embarrass himself any longer, he gently tugged Sakura to sit far away from Naruto and Hinata.

So, they ate peacefully until Lee suddenly appeared, having _risen from the dead_! The kunai was still stuck onto his head, and he threatened, "Give me back Sakura now!" Both Sakura and Hinata fainted in fear.

Lee began to grab Sakura, but Sasuke immediately stopped him. "Just what you think you're doing?!"

"Taking back Sakura. What else?"

"Let go _now_, Bushy Brow!" Sasuke demanded, pulling Sakura towards him.

"Make me, you weakling! Who are you to be called an Uchiha?!" Lee countered, pulling Sakura back in his direction.

"WHAT?!" Sasuke was so furious that he accidentally ripped Sakura in half!

Both stared at the bloodied body in awe.

"Well _that_ was unexpected," Lee stated as Sasuke gaped at the horror of what he'd done.

Naruto: "WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!?! WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM???!!!"

Sasuke was too shocked to say anything. All he did was drop the top half of her body onto the floor, jumping ten feet away from the pool of blood.

In the meantime, Hinata suddenly awoke and was shocked at Naruto's sudden outburst. She glared at him, "What's that, Naruto?! Did you lie to me?! Baka! I thought you only liked me! Naruto, I'M GONNA _KILL_ YOU!!!"  
"W-wait!" Naruto hastily stuttered. "I didn't lie! I _do_ like you! Sakura's just like a sister! That's why I was so—"

"LIAR!!!" Hinata shouted viciously, her Byakugan flashing lethally at him before she abruptly whipped out her kunai.

She ran up to her ex-boyfriend, and stabbed him!

Lee and Sasuke could only stare at the suddenly-violent Hyuga before them. "She's scary, isn't she?" Sasuke asked. Lee could only nod.

And she didn't stop with _one_ stab. She stabbed him again. And again. And again! Finally, when Naruto's appearance was so misshapen by Hinata's repeated stabs, she stopped.

His body—equally bloodied to Sakura's—also fell right alongside hers.

And then Hinata turned to face the two boys, a vicious grin on her face. "You're next!" she sneered, "Muahahahaha!"

"I don't think so!" Sasuke declared bravely. He turned to face Lee. "C'mon, Lee, let's get her!"

Lee took one glance at Hinata and broke out in a sweat. "No way, man! You are on your own!" He then took off running. "EEEKKKK!!! GUY-SENSEI! SAVE ME!"

"_What a wuss," _Sasuke said to himself.

But before Lee could escape, Hinata unexplainably appeared right in front of him!

"EEEPP!!!" Lee squealed.

"You can't escape! I will make you _mine_!" Hinata threatened, taking a step towards him. "Don't be afraid, you incompetent! I can give you all the power you crave!"

Lee backed away in fear. "B-but I do not care about power! All I want is Guy-sensei! That is all I want!" Lee broke out in tears.

Hinata thought for a moment. "Well, buddy boy, I wish I could spare you, but…" She then pulled out Guy's severed head. "I'm afraid he's already DEAD! Muhahahaha!"

"NNNNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!" And then Lee was dead again.

_"I gotta kill her before she kills me," _Sasuke told himself before he turned on his Sharingan and whipped out his kunai.

"…Where did she go?" Sasuke asked himself.

"Over here!" Hinata abruptly declared before she tackled Sasuke! When Hinata had Sasuke pinned onto the ground, with her kunai pointed at his face, Sasuke thought all hope was lost when he saw somebody behind Hinata!

It was Hotake (remember, the one who _really_ killed Guy?)! Of course he had to come to the aid of his beloved—and make that _only_—student. "Need a hand, Sasuke?"

Sasuke could only stare at the kunai inches from his face. "Yeah! Anytime now!"

"Okay…" Hotake then performed a series of hand signs before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Sasuke couldn't believe his sensei was abandoning him. "Hey! Hey! Hey! Where'd you go?! THIS IS NO TIME TO GO ABANDONING ME!"

Unexpectedly, Hinata's eyes widened in surprise. Her kunai dropped.

And then Hinata's head rolled onto Sasuke's chest!

"IIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Sasuke shrieked, instantly pulling himself up and immediately brushing Hinata's head off of him.

"I didn't abandon you," Kakashi suddenly said, before he added, "And do you know that you have a kunai sticking out from your eye?"

_What did he say?_It was then that Sasuke felt a sharp pain in his left eye. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! IT STINGS! IT BURNS! I'M MELTING!!!" Sasuke fell face-down in the ground, idiotically making the kunai plunge into his skull.

Kakashi sighed. _And there goes my last student…_

THE END

* * *

PLEASE review! Whether you enjoyed it or not, just REVIEW! I'll take constructive criticism and/or praise. Just PLEASE REVIEW!!! 


	2. Chapter 2: The Adventures of Ino!

**A/N:** Oops... We (Craftygirl and me, Princess Malika) lied... well, sort of. We thought that we'd only do one randomness fanfic on Naruto, but the first was so much fun, we decided to do a series! So, here's the second one-hope you readers will enjoy it as much as the first!

* * *

One cold evening, Gaara came out of the hot shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. His bare chest exposed for any prying eye to see…

Well, his chest wasn't _that_ bare. He had a lot of chest hair on it. But that's because he hadn't shaved in a while.

Well…it turns out that Gaara's just a younger version of Asuma… _Anyway_, so then Gaara finally noticed his chest hair and decided to shave. He got a kunai out, and tried shaving his hairs. Unfortunately, that didn't turn out too well.

His aim missed by… well, a lot (well what did you expect? He relied on his automatic sand abilities that he sucked at all the rest of common ninja stuff). Instead of cutting the hairs off his chest…

He sliced a gaping hole from where he was attempting to shave to his stomach.

The ketchup red blood gushing out like a waterfall.

"Oh, look. I am dying." And then Gaara died in his own pool of blood.

The bloodied mess was so thick, when Gaara's lifeless body fell, the momentum thrust his body out of the room, down the stairs…

And onto Ino!

It turned out that Ino had a secret crush on Gaara all along (instead of the overrated Sasuke), and just wanted to catch him…you know…

So anyway, Ino totally freaked when she saw Gaara's dead body. And when the blood got on her, a brilliant flash of red attracted a wild bull to come running out of nowhere, head-butting her to the Forest of Death.

And as Ino had no time to get Gaara's body off of her, Gaara went with her. His body landed in a nearby river, the current sending his body to who knows where.

As for Ino… the collision made her get amnesia. And she was lost in the forest for many days—for some reason nobody caught on to her being gone.

Meanwhile, during her absence, Sand Siblings Temari and Kankuro immediately noticed the blood all over the bathroom floor…and the stairs.

Kankuro looked at Temari in disgust. "Gee, Temari. You gotta watch that period of yours. Sheesh." 

Temari did a Death Glare on him. "_Excuse me?_" She then whipped out her giant fan and blew him through the roof. _That oughta teach him to mess with me…_

As for Ino…word of her disappearance finally reached the Nara clan, particularly Shikamaru.

_"Where is Ino?" _Shikamaru asked himself. _"My life, my love? She is the very air I breathe, my reason for living. Each day I can't see her… my soul dies a little. So where are you my beloved?"_

So now that Shikamaru's gone all Romeo all of a sudden, he decided to be brave and full of life (for once) by embarking of a journey to the Forest of Death.

But…since he was so caught up in rescuing Ino…he lost his brain and forgot to pack any food. Pretty soon, he died as well.

Wow. There goes some 'genius'. IQ of over two hundred? I think _not_.

Anyway, by this time, jungle girl Ino—still with amnesia—found Shikamaru's dead body…

Well, _mutated_ was more like it. Already tigers were ripping Shikamaru's bony body up.

And Ino just joined them, ripping up and eating Shikamaru's body right along with them. (Hey, she's lost all human connections, remember?)

Back to Temari…

In a week's time, it finally sunk into Kankuro's head that the blood all over the inn was in fact _not_ his older sister's period.

"But what is it?"

Temari took notice of the kunai knife in the now-hardened blood. She gasped, turning to Kankuro with a look of pure shock. "Kankuro! WERE YOU TRYING TO SUICIDE?!"

"I was not!" Kankuro instantly protested.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure!"

"How can you tell with that hoodie you always wear on? And you were cutting yourself quite a bit that one time, anyway."

"That was because my goldfish died!" After mentioning this, Kankuro burst into tears.

Temari rolled her eyes. "Get _over_ it already! Why didn't you make a puppet out of it like you do with your other pets?"

"Because she was special!" Kankuro sobbed.

"It was a goldfish!"

"Stop calling her an 'it'! She has a name!"

"Her name was Goldilocks, and she was my favorite!" Kankuro continued, but was only interrupted by Temari.

"Okay, okay. I get it. 'She' was special, alright?" she pressed impatiently, but then suddenly became serious again. "So…it was _you_ who's made the inn so bloody awful?" She scoffed. "You could have at least known better than to let it drip everywhere! And with all that blood loss, I'd think you'd be dead already!"

Kankuro pouted. "Hey! Is that an insult?!"

"Do you even know what an 'insult' means?"

Before Kankuro could reply, Asuma burst into the room.

"Hey guys, what's—" Asuma began, but then immediately halted. His sharp nose had caught a whiff of the blood, and so his eyes were mesmerized, instantly drawn to the blood near the stairwell.

_"Uh-oh. Blood plus Asuma equals a no-no…" _Temari said to herself worriedly, already backing away from the blood and closer to the nearest exit.

Because everyone knew that when Asuma smells blood, he transforms into a… WEREWOLF!!!

"Aaaahhhroooooo!!" The sky turned dark, the full moon high in the sky. Asuma turned to face the Sand Siblings, his hairiness now having gone to the max that even his cigarette was concealed in thick, dark hair. Right now, only one thing was on his mind:

Kankuro and Temari blood.

The Sand Siblings stared at the sight in shock and dread.

Temari was the first to snap out of the terror and said to Kankuro, "You take the left and—"

CRASH!!! _"What the—"_

Kankuro had fled in fear so swiftly, he had no time to open the door.

Instead, he just went through the building, leaving a Kankuro-shaped outline.

Temari was aghast.

She was now all alone with a creature more terrifying and more powerful than the dreaded Nine-Tail Fox.

And of course, Temari didn't stand a chance. She tried using her Wing Scythe Jutsu on the new Asuma, but of course, that failed. So then Asuma just swung his werewolf claws at Temari's head, which flew off on contact.

Yet even after Temari's head left her body, she still was able to talk: "I have died. I have died. I have—" (Guess it runs in the family, huh?) But that was when Asuma walked over and squished her little head flat.

But even that didn't completely destroy Temari's spirit. Her body still moved on its own. And when it had learned—somehow—that its head was now flattened into paper, Temari's body ferociously stomped behind werewolf Asuma and ripped off a chunk of his thick hair!

Leaving a major bald area on his back!

Raging with fury, Asuma swallowed Temari's body whole.

Licking his lips, Asuma said to himself, "Now for that other boy who ran away, as _no_ one escapes the mighty, the great, the magnificent, the handsome… Asuma!"

And while Asuma stealthy roamed Konoha, searching for Kankuro, Baki was bathing in the river that flowed from the Forest of Death. He would've taken a shower in his own home, but it was so far away, and since he didn't really wanted to intrude upon a clan to ask permission to shower in his or her tub, he decided to shower in the river.

And he didn't want anyone to know his two largest, most humiliating secrets, either…

That he _sings_—the Tillytubbies' theme song!

_And_ has a yellow rubber ducky while he bathes!

"Tinkywinkie! Dippsie! Lala! Po!" he chorused.

Yet that's when he suddenly noticed he was a few yards away from the edge of a waterfall! "YYEEEPPP!!" Baki tried to dog paddle away, but he could only see out of one eye due to the pale tan half-mask he wore all the time. Who knew that'd come back to haunt him?

So as Baki desperately battled against the current, he knew that nothing he could do could save him, and so he threw his rubber ducky to the ground.

"YOU MUST LIVE!!!" Baki hollered sorrowfully as he watched his duck go bye-bye.

All of a sudden, an unlikely heroine appeared: Ino, Princess of Barbarians and Savages.

"Aargh! Need a hand there, mate?"

"Yes! YES! PLEASE!!"

"Okay, lad." Ino tossed him a rope, and Baki took hold of it, and began pulling himself towards land. "Oh, thank you! Thank you!"

Ino smiled wickedly. "I wouldn't go saying that if I were ye…"

"Huh?"

And then before Baki even knew what was going on, Ino got out a kunai and severed the rope. "Muhahahaha!"

"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" And that was the end of Baki.

But who cares about him anyways? He has no major role in this series, and so his death has no meaning, and shall soon be forgotten.

And so, as soon as Baki had perished (and Queen of the Jungle Ino made _sure_ Baki didn't survive), Ino swung through the jungle with a Tarzan yell: "OOOOOOHOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOOOOO—Ooh!"

Till she effortlessly spotted a mangled mess of a motionless body wedged between two medium-sized boulders in the river. The body was found easily, as it had reddish hair. And in a forest of green, green, more green, even more green, and even some brown (thought I was going to say "green" now, did you?), red was a very noticeable color. And it was this uncommon color that caught the fierce Amazon Ino's eyes.

Ino squinted at the figure above the river. "Is that—?" She thought for a moment, and then shook her head vehemently. _Nah! I've never seen him before in my life!_ Ino took a few steps closer, and noticed a gaping red hole in his body.

She lipped her lips. _But he looks so delicious…delicious enough TO EAT!!!_

But as soon as she approached him, she noticed his hand move! Ino froze instantly, following the path of his hand, which slowly fell ddddooooowwwwwnnn… to cover his Manly Area (well, of course that towel would fall off sooner or later!)

The once-fearless Ino froze, screamed, and ran far, FAR away—so far away that she ran right out of the Forest of Death and into Konoha.

WHAM!!! Ino—not watching where she was going—collided with Asuma the werewolf!

Of course, she didn't _know_ he was one in the first place, as she wasn't completely paying attention… "Ow! What are you doing, standing in the middle of the road? Did you know that you could've—?"

Suddenly, Ino was quite aware that the person she was talking—ahem, lecturing—to was not even a person at all!

"Woah…" Ino began, examining his full bod hairiness. "How did you get so much _hair_? Did you forget to shave for a month or—?"

"I'm a _werewolf_!" Asuma growled, gritting his werewolf-sized chompers.

Not taking the statement seriously, Ino continued on her train of thought. "Did you know that you're _naked_? So I guess it's a good thing you're covered in all this hair. Otherwise, everyone might see your—"

Of course, Asuma got infuriated, so he lunged for Ino, but then Sai appeared and came to her rescue. "Need help?"

Ino eyed him suspiciously. "Do I…know you?"

"No, actually I come from the future two and a half years from now," Sai explained.

"Er…okay…but why are you _here_? Why are you helping me?" Ino asked.

Sai shrugged. "Dunno. Got bored, I guess." He smiled sheepishly.

Ino glared at him, but that was also when Asuma stuck. Since neither of them was paying attention, he crept up on Sai and swallowed him whole.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPP!!!!!" Ino shrieked.

Then fainted.

Asuma roared a loud werewolf laughter. "How _easy_ you make this for me…"

As his drool of hunger dripped all over Ino's body… she abruptly awoke!

"You killed that sexy guy… AND you slobbered all over me! Now… YOU MUST DIE!!!!!"

She then got out her kunai knife and cut off Asuma's head. But then Kurenai came and saw the bloody kunai in Ino's hand. "What the heck did you do?! Y-You MURDERER!! NOW I WILL HAUNT YOU UNTIL YOU DIE!!" She then formed a series of handsigns and disappeared.

"Ino!" Kankuro unexpectedly hollered out cheerfully. And—to Ino's surprise—he embraced—then _kissed_—her!

"…What was _that_ for?"

"You saved my life! Will you be my girlfriend?"

"… … …Sure, why not? You seem decent enough."

"YIPEE!!!"

"Just take off that darn hoodie of yours first. Then I'll be all yours…"

Kankuro ripped his hoodie off immediately. "Now will you restore my clan?"

Ino didn't know what 'restoring my clan' meant, but she responded with a, "whatever that means, yes, I'll do it with you."

Grinning broadly, Kankuro lifted Ino bridal style to his Sand Village—that he now was Kazekage since he was the only Sand Sibling left.

Ino never got her memories back; and, tragically, nobody remembered Gaara.

The one who started it all.

And Kurenai? Well, she gave up haunting Ino and ended up marrying Hotake.

So how's _that_ for an ending?


	3. Chapter 3: The Killing Spree

**A/N: **Once again, all stories in this series are written by Craftygirl and me (the characters belong to their creator).

WARNING!!! This story is _much_ more violent than the others thus far (hence the title _The Killing Spree_). YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

* * *

It all started when Sakura kissed Naruto on the lips.

But don't get the wrong idea. Sakura just did it to get the attention of her precious Sasuke. Yeah, so it was pretty much just a desperate attempt to get him to notice her.

Oh, he noticed, alright. In fact, Sasuke was so envious and furious at Sakura _and_ Naruto that he decided to grab the next girl that walked by him and kiss her.

And that girl just _happened_ to be Hinata!

Hinata was so shocked that she slapped Sasuke. "Hey, stupid! What d'ya think you're doing?!"

Although Sasuke was well-aware that Hinata was the only girl in the entire village who didn't like him, he was shocked at Hinata's reaction. He glared at her. "You're not supposed to say that. Get with the program, alright?"

"The program?! You're outta your mind! I only love—" she paused when she noticed that Naruto and Sakura were still watching them. Well, she really didn't care if _Sakura_ was watching. But Naruto…

Abruptly, an idea began to form in her mind…

"…I only love you, Sasuke!" Hinata gushed, clinging onto Sasuke's arm. "I've always loved you, Sasuke!" She then kissed him again.

Of course, Naruto and Sakura saw the whole thing, but Sakura tried her best to contain herself. But then a minute passed and they still hadn't broken away yet. Naruto glanced at Sakura. "Wow! I think that's a world record! _We_ should kiss that long!" He closed his eyes and puckered up, but Sakura only broke his nose. "I'll never kiss you again, DEMON FOX!" She then charged at Hinata. "Kiss my a, you slut!"

Sakura was known as the hardest hitter—especially when she was mad. But Hinata wasn't dubbed The Pwning Princess for nothing.

And besides…

Her 'Naruto-kun' just got hurt.

Dodging Sakura's first attempt, Hinata activated her "Byakugan!"

But that took too much precious time.

And Sakura was not one to waste time, so…

WHAM!!!!

Yeah, that was Sakura's fist colliding with Hinata's face.

Hinata's poor little Byakugan eyes popped out of their sockets. Yep, that's Sakura's super-strength for you.

Hinata fell to her knees, searching the floor for her eyeballs. "My eyes! My eyes! C-can't see! I'm…BLIND!"

Sakura just sneered to herself. "Heh. You better believe it, ya lil' nothing! I'm gonna wipe the floor with your face!" She hovered over Hinata. "Ya know, Neji was right about you. You're pathetic!"

But then that was when Hinata suddenly tripped Sakura, causing her to fall flat on her back. "Don't you DARE mock me, you no-talent!"

"_Hmm… two girls fighting over me…"_ Sasuke said to himself, then smiled. _"Me like…" _

"Gentle Fist!" Hinata exclaimed when Sakura was still trying to get up.

Aiming for her heart.

Unfortunately, Lee popped outta _no_where! It was his Sakura-chan radar. He sensed she was in danger, and therefore supersonically arrived just in time.

"Sakura-chan!" he cried.

Just in time to get his heart jabbed by Hinata's Gentle First.

Full force, yeah.

But even the Lee-ster couldn't withstand a blow to the heart, so he died, but before he did, he used the last ounce of his strength to strangle Hinata to death. So they both died together.

And that was when Neji appeared. "Konnichiwa!"

Everyone stared at Neji in shock.

Sasuke kicked Neji into the ground. "This is no time for greetings. Two shinobis just died… or did you notice?"

"You mean my no-talent teammate and that useless cousin of mine? I'm _glad_ they're dead," Neji replied after pulling his head out of the ground. "Now, Gai-sensei can give me the training I deserve. Isn't that right, TenTen?"

These shinobis just keep popping up outta nowhere, don't they?

Like TenTen, for instance. Cartwheeling into view, she cheered, "Neji, Neji, he's the best. He's better than all the rest! Gooooo NEJI!!!"

It was then that Naruto finally recovered from Sakura's fatal punch. As his nose was bleeding everywhere, he caught sight of Hinata's idle body, face-down on the ground. "Hey, Hinata! What happened? Are you alright?"

"Excuse me, but your _Hinata_ just killed Lee and tried to kill me!" Sakura exclaimed fiercely.

"What are you talking about, Sakura? Hinata would never do such a thing!" Naruto then ran over to Hinata, and slowly turned her over…only to lay eyes on her empty eye sockets!

"HINATA!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYES?!" Naruto was so freaked out that he fainted.

Now that Naruto was out of the way, Sasuke walked over to Sakura. "Hey, let's kill Neji and Tenten right now," he whispered.

"But why?" Sakura asked in alarm.

"'Cause they're annoying."

Sakura was about to disagree, when her inner self spoke: _"You almost killed one person, and you're refusing to kill more?! What the freak is WRONG with you?"_

"_Well, I only almost killed Hinata because she was kissing my Sasuke-kun. But Neji and TenTen—"_

"_But isn't that TenTen over there kissing your Sasuke-kun?"_

"WHAT???!!!" Sakura screeched out loud, and she knew that her inner self was right when she saw TenTen giving her Sasuke-kun a peek in the cheek!

Neji was shocked, too. "TenTen! I thought you only have the hots for _me_!"

"But Sasuke is hot, too," TenTen revealed before putting her arms around Sasuke. "After Neji and I go out, you wanna go out with me?"

Neji glared at her. "Tenten, you are such a player…and that's why…"

He suddenly burst out in tears. "THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA CRY!!! WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

Tenten glanced at her ex in disgust. "And that's why, you're in every way, NOT PERFECT, Neji!" she hollered.

But then was suddenly interrupted by a sharp punch in the jaw, sending her flying to the moon (literally).

Both Sasuke and Neji stared at Sakura in shock.

"No one—and I mean NO ONE—ever lays hands on my Sasuke!" Sakura proclaimed.

Neji then bolted in the opposite direction. "That's it! I'm getting outta here! MOMMY!!"

Watching Neji's pathetic behavior, Sakura turned to Sasuke and said, "You're right. Neji's annoying. Let's kill him."

"I'm glad you agree," Sasuke responded with a smile before they both leapt onto Neji simultaneously and—together—ripped all of his organs out.

After the brutal murder of Neji, Sasuke was bored. "Now what?"

But Sakura—getting a taste of blood—literally—loved this. "Let's go and kill more people."

Looking at her with a raised eyebrow, Sasuke commented, "I'm surprised, Sakura. You've really changed." _From that annoying pitiful girl… to a strong and fearful female. …I'm so proud of you, my Sakura-chan. _

"For the better, I hope," Sakura replied.

Sasuke: "Definitely."

Then, they shared a passionate kiss before Sakura said, "Now, who's first on your hit list?"

"Let's kill Naruto," Sasuke stated, narrowing his eyes at the unconscious body next to Hinata's dead one. "Now is the best time…since he's unconscious and all."

Sakura thought for a moment. "But that's no fun. He won't be able to fight back. It'll be too easy."

"We'll just wake him up, then," Sasuke said with a shrug.

"Okay."

And so Sakura nailed Naruto with another punch in his already-broken nose. Of course, he woke up instantly. "Hey! Sakura, what was that all about!" He then noticed that both she and Sasuke were mere inches away from him. "And…why are you guys so close to me? I don't mind you, Sakura…but Sasuke? Back off, will ya! _Hello_! Haven't you heard of personal space?!"

But before Naruto could say another word, his organs were ripped out, too.

"That was fun!" Sasuke complimented cheerfully. "And I always wanted to kill Naruto. He was the most annoying person in the world."

"Agreed," Sakura said before she looked at all the dead bodies and said to her Sasuke-kun, "We can't leave these dead bodies around, and with all of their blood on us, we'd be the first suspects."

"Let's get rid of the bodies by burying them," Sasuke suggested.

"And what will we do if someone finds us doing it?"

Before Sasuke could answer his Sakura-chan's question, Chouji suddenly appeared, rolling—literally—into the scene!

"Oh no!" Sasuke freaked as Chouji began shrinking down to normal size, "We've been caught!"

Taking out a kunai, Sakura determinedly stated, "Not if we stop him first," and then, before Chouji could completely get back to normal size, Sakura stabbed Chouji!

Eyes opening wide, Chouji cried out, "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" as his rapidly deflating body aimlessly spiraled into the air like a deflating whoopee-cushion!

So he died, a hose of blood pouring from the hole in his stomach. And then came Shikamaru…who was looking for his best buddy who he was playing tag with.

"Hey, have you guys seen Chouji?" he asked.

Sakura quickly hid the kunai knife behind her back. "Um, no. What does he look like?"

"Well, he was just rolling around just now like a giant meatball… Kind of hard to miss," Shikamaru remarked.

"No, haven't seen anything like that around here," Sasuke answered, "Not in a million years."

"Oh, okay," Shikamaru said with a shrug. "But what a drag. That means I'll have to go look for him." He glanced down at the ground. "Hey, what's all this blood on the floor?" He then glanced up, and saw that Sasuke and Sakura were now mere inches from his face.

"What? Do you guys wanna play tag, too?" He tapped Sakura on the shoulder. "Okay! You're it! And no tag-backs!" He turned the other direction, but then saw that Sakura wasn't chasing after him. "Hey! What's the deal? Don't you know how to play?"

"How 'bout we play something else?" Sakura asked, an evil grin on her face. "Ever heard of 'Kill Shikamaru'?"

Shikamaru shook his head. "No. Never. What's that game?"

But he didn't even need an answer…before he knew what it was.

"Demon Wind Shuriken!" Sasuke said, slicing Shikamaru in half, and then Sakura finished him off when she put exploding tags all over the two little pieces.

BOOM!!!

Of course, this explosion was heard by most of Konoha. Kakashi—the closest one to the detonation—decided to check it out.

…_It seems that my students are on a killing spree… I'm so proud of them; they've finally realized the true way of being a shinobi! _

And Sasuke and Sakura almost immediately spotted their sensei.

"Kakashi-sensei," they both greeted.

"What brings you here?" Sakura asked.

"Just seeing how my students are doing, and it seems that you two are exceeding the shinobi expectations," Kakashi replied proudly.

Sasuke, worried about Kakashi bluffing, and going to turn them in—even though he was being quite sincere—hastily sliced off Kakashi's head!

Sakura gasped. "What did you do _that_ for?!"

"Don't be so naïve. Kakashi was just bluffing, and was going to turn us in the moment he left us."

Seeing Kakashi's decapitated yet still proud smile on his face, Sakura glared at Sasuke and scolded, "And you shouldn't be so paranoid. He was praising us on a job well done!"

"Yeah, right," Sasuke sarcastically said.

Glaring heatedly at Sasuke, Sakura asked, "Do I have to kill you, too?"

"…If you really want to, then yes. I wouldn't mind fighting you and seeing how you've progressed. Besides, defeating you won't really be much of a challenge, anyways."

"That's it Sasuke, you're going _down_!"

But then Gaara suddenly came, and Sasuke and Sakura forgot all about their little argument.

"Hey, forget about us challenging each other," Sakura said, "Wouldn't it be much for fun to kill the sand brat? He suffers from insomnia, right? So we'd just be putting him out of his misery!"

"Okay! But how should we kill him?" Sasuke asked.

"You hogged all the fun in killing Kakashi just now, so let me handle this one," Sakura insisted.

She then charged at Gaara and threw a punch at his face. Of course, his sand shield automatically came to his defense, but that was when Sakura's fist penetrated the sand, just barely away from Gaara's face!

Gaara gasped in horror. "What?! But that's not possible! Nothing can penetrate my sand!"

"Wanna bet?" Sakura asked him, and then kicked him hard…

In the one area where it hurts, yeah!

"OHH!" Gaara reeled over in pain, clutching his Manly Area. But it didn't stop there. Sakura then proceeded to punch his head, which immediately broke off from his body and went flying towards the unsuspecting Temari and Kankuro.

They both flinched, but none of them shrieked from the death of their poor baby brother or anything.

This surprised Sakura. "Don't you want to avenge his death?"

"No," they both responded, and Temari explained, "Gaara was always threatening to kill us, and so we never really liked him."

"In fact, we _hated_ him," Kankuro added.

Temari continued. "But we couldn't kill him ourselves, as he knows our attacks too well—being our sibling, you know? So, actually, you guys killing him has done us a big favor. Arigato."

"You're welcome," Sakura said, but once again, Sasuke was suspicious of their _true_ feelings towards them and Gaara.

So what did he do?

You guessed it! He burned Kankuro up with his "Dragon Flame Jutsu!"

"Hey!" Temari snapped. "I may not like Gaara, but I _loved_ Kankuro! We were going to get married!"

"You want to marry your own brother?!" Sakura exclaimed, in which Sasuke added, "Now that's just sick…"

"You'll pay for that, you Uchiha," Temari threatened fiercely, "Starting with me killing your girlfriend! Wind Scythe Jutsu!"

"NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!"

Slice! Slice! Slice!

"IIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Sakura shrieked when her Sasuke-kun's now-three-part body fell all around her.

"You're not getting away with this! I'm gonna kick your a!" Sakura then punched the ground so hard that it created a huge split in the floor, causing an unsuspecting Temari to plunge down to the Earth's core…and too bad she couldn't have taken her fan with her!

She then walked over to Sasuke's sliced-up body, and knelt down next to him. "Oh, Sasuke!" she wept, crying over his dead body.

"Even in the bitter end, you couldn't realize that the heavens would never have smiled down on you [quoted from Book 10, Kishimoto" said a voice from behind her. "You bloody murderer! You don't deserve to live!"

_Slash! _Sakura's head rolled off her body, and was then caught under the foot of…

INO! "Heh," she smirked, "Looks like I win, Forehead."

"Muhahahahahahahahaha!!"

* * *

**A/N: **While the story was basically about violence and murder, we wrote it like this only for the humor (and randomness, of course), so just because it technically suggests that violence and murder solves all problems, PLEASE DON'T take us seriously. Anyways, whether you like it or not, whether you want to praise Craftygirl and me or give us constructive criticism... PLEASE R&R.

PS Craftygirl and I need some fresh new ideas on more Naruto randomness, so if you readers have any ideas, PLEASE tell us.


	4. Chapter 4: Love Affairs

**A/N: For those who asked for senseis getting picked on, here it is (and more to come, too).**

* * *

One night, Orochimaru snuck into Konoha to abduct Sasuke! Instead, he accidentally abducted Anko!

And so when he performed his forbidden jutsu on "Sasuke" (it was pitch black when he did it), he found himself in Anko's body!

"HOW DID I END UP IN ANKO'S BODY???!!!" Orochimaru screeched at Kabuto, as if the fault was _his_.

"It's not the end of the world. You could wait three years to switch to Sasuke," Kabuto reminded him.

"But hey, I gotta admit: you look so much better like this, Lord Orochimaru," Kabuto remarked.

"And _what_ are you trying to say?!" Orochimaru barked.

"Oh, uh, nothing, my lord," Kabuto stammered.

Meanwhile, Asuma was worried about Anko. She was supposed to have meet him in his bedroom for some make-out time—or, to Asuma's wish, something more.

But she never showed up!

_Maybe I was too forward, _he thought. _Maybe I should've—_

"ASUMA!" a familiar voice shouted. "Where have you been last night? We were supposed to have gone out for dinner!"

Asuma sighed. "What is it, Kurenai?"

Kurenai walked over to him. "Yesterday was our special anniversary! How could you forget, Asuma?!" she demanded crossly.

Before she could lecture him further, Asuma silenced her by embracing her in a hug. "Now, don't talk like that, Kurenai. You know you're the only one special in my life—"

Kurenai backed away instinctively. "Are you saying you're CHEATING on me?! Is that what it is?!"

"I never said—"

"Yes you are, it's written all over your face! And for this crime, your punishment shall be…"

_Please don't let it be—_

"You being trapped in my genjutsu!"

_That. _"Wait, Kurenai, let's just think about—"

"You should have thought about it _before_ you'd decided to cheat on me!"

Asuma tried to run away, but she caught him in it, anyways.

So now, he was bound to Kurenai's special genjutsu tree. "There, now you can't go anywhere so long as I'm still breathing!"

"Oh, c'mon, Kurenai! Don't do this! You know I love you!" Asuma insisted.

Kurenai shook her head. "That won't work on me." She then walked over to Asuma and took the cigarette away from his mouth. "And Asuma, smoking will only kill you faster." With an airy wave, she tossed the cigarette into the nearby river.

"NO! MY CIGARETTE!" Asuma cried out pitifully. He then glared at Kurenai. "I _hate_ you, woman!"

Smiling twistingly, Kurenai replied, "You'll love me later when you don't die from lung cancer."

"But first I'll die from not having my cigarette!" Asuma whined, pouting.

Kurenai ignored him, and then left him.

Watching her go, Asuma glared at her and said to himself, _I should've divorced her as soon as I've met Anko. Kurenai's all… evil… and Anko… well, she's got bigger—_

As if on cue, Anko suddenly appeared from behind the building.

"Whoa-ho!" Asuma exclaimed, grinning. "So, you read my mind?"

The next thing Asuma knew was Anko holding a kunai up to his neck. "For some reason, this wretched body has some sort of attraction towards you! Now if you don't tell me how to break out of this, I'll kill you! Ya got that, you little maggot?!"

Asuma looked at her skeptically. "What the heck are you taking about? You love me, and I love you! It's always been that way!"

"You fool! Don't you know who I am?"

"My love, my life, the air that I breathe?"

"Wrong!"

"Aren't you Anko? You sure look like her… smell like her, too."

"You baka, I'm the king of the world, the most powerful being ever to walk the earth, Sannin Orochimaru!"

Asuma blinked in surprise at 'Anko' before he burst out laughing—with _tears_! "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I've always loved your sense of humor, any you really have outdone yourself this time."

"Oh yeah? You think your precious _Anko_ can do this?" Orochimaru challenged, revealing his long, snake-like tongue.

Asuma just stared at him. "Wow! I didn't know you had a tongue like that! Why didn't you ever tell me? We could have had even better make-out sessions!"

Orochimaru then slapped him across the face. "Ow! What'd you do that for?! Don't you love me? Y'know, you're starting to act a lot like Kurenai—"

"You imbecile! You really know nothing about me, do you?! Argh! Why do I even waste my…" Orochimaru's voice trailed off. "Wait…what's that you said about this 'Kurenai'?" Oddly enough, Orochimaru felt bothered by the fact that Asuma was mentioning another woman…another woman he could very well be having an affair with…

It was then that Asuma caught himself. _Uh-oh! She's on to me!_ "Oh! She's nobody! Just my sister's mother's nephew's cousin's aunt twice-removed."

Orochimaru just did a double take. "In _English_, please."

"How 'bout you just get me out of this genjutsu?" Asuma suggested.

Orochimaru glared at him, but then decided to comply. "Fine," he muttered, "But don't think you can give orders to me, you two-timer."

As Kurenai trudged down the streets of Konoha, she couldn't help but reflect on all the negative signals she's been getting from Asuma lately. Staring hard at the dirt floor, she thought: _Forgetting about our anniversary? Does he even _care_ about me anymore? What's happened to us?_

Kurenai glanced up all of a sudden, and almost bumped into Kakashi, who was too busy reading Make-Out Paradise (as usual). She tried to look behind the book. "Kakashi? Is that you?"

"Oh, hello Kurenai," he greeted her with a smile on his face.

_Or, at least, I think that's a smile, _Kurenai said to herself, uncertain. _His eyes seemed like they're smiling, so his mouth must be smiling too, right?_

"So, are you doing anything today?" Kakashi asked Kurenai, in which she replied with a sigh, "No."

Kakashi frowned, and asked, "What's that sigh for?"

_…Should I tell him? _

Kurenai decided against it. She kept her eyes concentrated on the ground. "Er, it's nothing."

"Avoiding eye contact, hesitating…? Kurenai, I think you're lying," Kakashi observed.

Kurenai sighed, and then glanced up at him with a meek smile. "Maybe we should get something to eat," she suggested.

"Alright," Kakashi agreed.

Little did he know that his three Genin students were spying on him from behind the hedges!

"Is Kakashi-sensei… flirting with Kurenai-sensei?" Sakura began, asking no one in particular.

Naruto nodded. "I wouldn't put it past our sensei to make a move on that married jonin. I mean, he reads Make-Out Paradise for a reason, you know?"

"Naruto, you make it sound disgusting," Sakura commented, making a face, before she added, "_I_ think it's kinda cute. I don't think Kakashi-sensei has ever asked someone out before. At least, not as far as I have seen."

"I think that we should leave Kakashi alone," Sasuke spoke decisively.

Naruto nearly glared at Sasuke. "You take the fun outta everything."

Sakura wanted to side with Sasuke, yet she also thought that keeping in check with her sensei's love life was fun, too.

"I think a little spying here and there won't do any harm," Sakura suggested, and looked towards Sasuke for approval.

Sasuke sighed, yet remained silent, and so Sakura took that as a 'yes'.

So, the three of them followed Kakashi and Kurenai as they ate at the Ichiraku.

"You come here often?" Kurenai asked him all of a sudden, as two bowls of ramen were served before them.

"No, not really," Kakashi replied, "But I remember last time, my students tried to treat me here a while back…and well, that didn't turn out so well…"

Kurenai smiled, breaking her chopsticks and proceeding to eat her ramen. "I couldn't imagine…" She then glanced in Kakashi's direction, who she was surprised to find hadn't touched his food at all. "Hey, uh, aren't you going to eat?"

"One sec," Kakashi said, and then abruptly pointed behind him. "Look! Over there!"

Kurenai instantly turned her head, and the three Genin instantly ducked down.

"Oh, no! He's on to us!" Naruto whispered, his voice filled with panic.

"Nah, I don't think that was it!" Sakura whispered back, "He was just trying to keep us—and even her—from seeing his face! Darn it!"

"Either way, we have to keep a low profile," Sasuke warned.

Naruto and Sakura both nodded before they and Sasuke turned back to watch their sensei.

At the same time, Kurenai did the same, and was surprised that…

"All done."

"…How did you finish so fast?"

"With practice," Kakashi joked with a smile before he added, "Now, I have more time to pay attention to you."

Kurenai blushed at the compliment. _Asuma never complimented like this… he was too focused on that other woman to fully appreciate me. But Kakashi… intelligent, sweet, and kinda hot, too. A way more suitable man for me than Asuma ever was._

Meanwhile, the spying trio was enjoying the scene unfold before them.

"Did you see that?" Sakura practically squealed. "She _blushed_!"

"Ooh, Kakashi-sensei must be turning things up," Naruto said before he hesitantly added, "... Do you think that Kakashi-sensei is ready to move on to the next level?"

BONK!!! There goes Sakura's fist collided with Naruto's head.

"Eww! Don't be a perv Naruto!"

"S-sorry," Naruto feebly apologized, a bit dazed from Sakura's assault on him. As for Sasuke, he shook his head pitifully at his teammate.

It was then that Might Guy rounded the corner, and saw his rival at the Ichiraku…next to Kurenai….seeming to be _flirting_ with her!

The fire of determination sparked in Guy's eyes. _Kakashi's flirting with Kurenai?! How's it he gets a girl, and I don't? What's he have that I don't have?! Argh! I can't let him pull ahead like this! There's no way! Gotta set a good example for Lee! _

It was then that Might Guy suddenly noticed Yugao (a.k.a. the "ANBU lady") across the street, so he ran up to her, dipped her down, and kissed her!

He then flashed his trademark grin and did a thumbs-up sign in Kakashi's direction. "Take that, Kakashi!"

Yet all he received in reply was silence.

_Aargh! That Kakashi! Thinks he so great! Well, I'll show him!_

It was then that he "so kindly" received a sharp punch in the face. "What do you think you're doing, you psycho! I already have a boyfriend! Gosh!"

"You mean that sickly one? Well, he's gonna die soon, anyway, with that kind of health, so wouldn't you rather have a healthy, handsome man like _moi_?"

SLAP!!! "Go drown yourself or I'll do it for you, you creep!" And with that, Yugao stormed off.

But Guy wasn't quite ready to give up just yet. _Hmm… she never exactly said "no" now, did she? _

So, with a fiery determination to win her heart, he sprinted to the nearest gift shop. _I'll show you Kakashi, that I can get a better woman than you—and much faster, too. _

And Might-Guy wasn't the only one to see Kakashi flirting with Kurenai.

Asuma and Anko saw it, too.

"Well, well… It looks like your precious _Kurenai_ has already moved on," Orochimaru remarked, grinning slyly. "And it's time for you to move on, too, tough guy."

Asuma could only gape at his wife in horror. "But-but I never thought she'd do this to me…"

Orochimaru scoffed. "And why not? You did it to her all the time."

Asuma shrugged. "Yeah, you've got a point there. Besides, I never really cared about her, anyway."

"But still," Asuma added, "She technically belongs to me, and if there's going to be any divorcing going on, _I_ should be the one to do it."

_Plus, just because I cheat on her, doesn't mean she just had to go and cheat on me, right? I mean, I'm the bad one, sure, but she's supposed to be the _good_ one. What happened here? And can't it be possible to have _two_ wives? It happens all the time. I deserve two wives, anyway, with my good looks and all… … …hmm, that's not a bad idea after all…_

"I've decided I'm going to marry you," he said to Orochimaru.

"What?! But I'm Orochimaru, remember?"

"In my Anko's body, remember?"

"True, but still, that'd make it—"

"But I'm still going to keep Kurenai as my wife."

It was then that the three Genin decided to make their grand appearance. "You can't do that, you jerk!" Naruto hollered, pointing an accusing finger at Asuma.

"Yeah, you don't deserve her! And in case you haven't noticed, Kurenai's in love with _our_ sensei!" Sakura exclaimed.

"You three are just kids!" Asuma retorted. "You know nothing!"

Ignoring all of them, Orochimaru couldn't help but notice Sasuke. "Hey, you! Give me your body now!"

Sasuke's eyes widened. _Okay…this lady is completely freaking me out! _"I don't think so."

Sakura then glared at Orochimaru. "No way you're getting Sasuke! So don't even think about it!"

"And I thought you love _me_!" Asuma whined with a pouting gaze at his beloved.

Naruto looked at Asuma, disgusted. "Who could ever love a hairy looking beast like you? Ya player?"

Abruptly taking out his trench knives, Asuma defensively replied, "That's it, kid, you asked for it."

"Asuma, he's just a kid," Orochimaru said, then groaned. _This female body is making me go soft! Darn this body! _"Sasuke, you have no choice. Either you give me your body willingly, or I'll take it by force."

Sakura steadfastly stood in front of Sasuke, and fiercely challenged Orochimaru, "Over my dead body."

"Okay then," Orochimaru responded with a wicked grin, "Have it your way…"

"Anko? Asuma? What are you doing, picking on my team?" It was Kakashi, and he _wasn't_ pleased. "A proctor and a jonin should know better than that."

Kurenai, besides Kakashi, scoffed and commented, "Asuma's not really a jonin. He's more like a really old genin."

"Kurenai… you don't really mean that, do you?" Asuma questioned, sincerely hurt.

"Actually, I do," Kurenai harshly stated. "You see Asuma, you never really loved me, because if you did, you wouldn't have cheated on me. And you also would've treated me like I should have been treated, instead of—"

HIIISSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Unexpectedly, an army of snakes appeared from Anko's arms, instantly wrapping themselves around Kurenai!

"Kurenai!" Kakashi cried out, and rushed towards her when Orochimaru stretched out his head and hissed, "STAY OUT OF THIS!!!"

Both Kurenai and Kakashi gaped in shock.

"Orochimaru?" Kurenai gasped.

Kakashi was equally surprised. "But _how_?"

"I meant to take the Uchiha's body, but somehow took Anko's."

"Ohh," Sakura began with new understanding, "So when you say you wanted to take Sasuke's body, you didn't mean it… err, _that_ way, you mean in—"

"WHAT DID YOU THINK I MEANT?!?!?!" Orochimaru demanded viciously, which made Sakura squeak and hide behind Sasuke.

Meanwhile, as Orochimaru was distracted by Sakura's question, Kakashi had a kunai and began sawing Kurenai out. Unfortunately…

"What are these snakes _made_ of?! The kunai won't cut!" Kakashi frustratingly exclaimed.

"HEY!!!" Orochimaru bellowed, finally noticing Kakashi's failed attempt at rescuing Kurenai. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"Can you please not yell?" Asuma asked, explaining, "It's hurting my ears."

"Okay," Orochimaru agreed—to everyone's surprise, almost adding the word "honey". _UGH!!! This… BODY!!! This… Asuma has too much control over me! _

"Sasuke…" Orochimaru seducing began, "I could give you what you crave most… power…"

And in his female body, it was much more convincing that it would have been in his original body. Already, Sasuke was swayed by the female's flirtatious tone of voice. Orochimaru was pleased. _Hmm… this body has its advantages… me like…_

Sakura noticed this, and shook Sasuke hard. "Nnnooooo! Don't listen to her—him—whoever it is!"

"Don't listen to her, she doesn't know what she's talking about," Orochimaru said, using Anko's voice to his full advantage. Then, he added the final blow: "Besides… it's power that you need… to defeat a certain someone, right? …Someone that killed those… precious, to you?"

That hit a nerve, alright. "Okay, I'll take your offer. But what do I have to do first?"

Sakura was horrified. She couldn't believe this was happening. It was as if her worst fear had just become a reality. "Listen to yourself, Sasuke! This isn't you! Is this was you really want?"

Before Sasuke could reply, Sakura was shoved brashly aside by Orochimaru. "So, what do you say?"

"I OBJECT!!" Asuma bellowed.

Everyone turned to face him.

"You can't have him, my beloved!" Asuma protested, pulling Anko towards him. "I know you don't really love him!"

"Love me?!" Sasuke repeated in horror.

"Love him?!" Anko exclaimed incredulously, pulling Sasuke's towards him. "You fool! I'm Orochimaru! All I want is his body! How many times do I have to tell you?!"

"I won't believe it. You're my Anko, not Orochimaru! Besides, if you were Orochimaru, you wouldn't be this beautiful, would you?"

Half of Orochimaru wanted to shallow Asuma up due to his stupidity. The other half, the Anko half, was flattered at the compliment Asuma had given her.

And to Orochimaru's horror, the Anko half won. Orochimaru blushed, and actually released Kurenai (and Sasuke) in the process!

Immediately, Kurenai took Kakashi's side, and Kakashi stated (more than suggested), "Let's attack together."

"Right," Kurenai agreed, nodding once.

But before they could attack, Kimimaru rushed to the scene. "No, Master! You're making the wrong choice! Use me!"

"You're _dying_! Why would I transfer my soul to you if—when I do so, the next second—_I'll_ _drop dead_?!"

Kimimaru was persistent though. "PLEASE!!!! I have the _perfect_ body for you! And you _know_ it!"

Meanwhile…

Sakura: "Who's this dude?"

Naruto: "…What are they taking about?"

Sasuke: "I don't like being ignored. Let's get out of here."

Sasuke then departed from the scene, which began a chain reaction…

"Sasuke!" Sakura hollered from behind of him. "Wait for me!"

Seeing Sakura follow Sasuke, Naruto hollered to Sakura, "Hey! What's going on? Why is everyone leaving?" When he got no answer, he quickly departed as well.

As for Orochimaru and Kimimaru…

"Maybe if you weren't _dying_!"

"Master—"

"NEVER!!!!!"

Then all of a sudden, a powerful kick knocked the wind out of Kimimaru, and he flew to the North Pole. "Dynamic Entry!"

It was Might Guy.

Kakashi did a quick double-take. "Guy? What are you doing here?"

Might Guy flashed him trademark "nice guy" pose. "Think I'd let you pull ahead of me again, Kakashi? Well, I don't think so! It's my turn in the spotlight!"

Yet too bad he didn't focus long enough to notice a pair of snakes encircling his neck! Guy turned around and gasped when he saw Anko…or at least, what remained of her. "Anko! What do you think you're doing?!"

"If someone calls me Anko again, I'm gonna KILL SOMEONE!" Orochimaru barked fiercely.

"Anko!" Asuma cried.

And so, being the man of his word, Orochimaru snapped Guy's neck.

"I told you I'd keep my promise…" Orochimaru twistingly sneered as everyone gaped at him in shock. "Now, I dare anyone to say that name again, and I swear I'll—"

"But that _is_ your name!" Asuma argued insistently. "An—"

"Don't say it!" both Kakashi and Kurenai frantically said simultaneously.

"K—mmfft!" Asuma continued, but Kakashi hastily covered Asuma's mouth with both of his hands.

Kurenai let out a sigh of relief. _I'm glad that Kakashi was able to—_

"Oops, can't believe I left this behind," Naruto said—to everyone's surprise, returning to pick up his left-behind headband.

"Naruto!" Kakashi gasped, and, unfortunately…

Released Asuma in the process!

"O," Asuma concluded, saying the last word in his beloved's name.

Anko glared at Asuma. "I heard that, alright! And now you're gonna pay!" Anko reeled her snakes from Guy's night and lashed them out towards Asuma. "Say good-bye!"

Asuma could only stare at the snakes coming at his face. "Hello, honey! What are the snakes for—?"

"Got it!" cried a triumphant voice.

_Snap! _Fortunately for Asuma, Naruto's headband was right below his feet, and so when Naruto went to pick it up…yeah, you get picture.

"EEEEP!!! Why have you committed such a horrible deed?! Killing a young shinobi… Why have you turned into such a murderer?" Asuma whined, yet his pale face indicated that he was near fainting.

Impatiently glowering at Asuma, Orochimaru snapped, "HAVEN'T YOU BEEN LISTENING TO ME???!!! I'M NOT 'YOUR BELOVED' ANYMORE!!!! MY NAME IS—!!!!!"

The next thing that happened really _did_ cause Asuma to faint!

What'd interrupted Orochimaru from concluding his exclamation was a long thin sword sticking out of his chest!

Specifically his heart!

"You dirty slut! I know what you've been doing with my boyfriend!" said a voice. An ANBU mask covered her face, but the purple hair revealed that it was in fact Yugao!

Orochimaru struggled to turn his head. "W-What are you taking about?" he rasped, "I never did anything! I'm not even—"

"Save it, Anko!" Yugao exclaimed, and then proceeded to cut off Anko's head with a kunai knife. She held the severed head out before her like a trophy. "Just you wait and see what's happened to your '_beloved_,' Hayate…"

As Yugao leapt from tree to tree, building-to-building, she sang, "Ohh Ha-ya-te! Look what I got for you…"

"_So Asuma cheated on me, but it turns out that Anko had cheated on him! And he deserved it." _Kurenai heatedly thought, and—recalling his unfaithfulness… _"That's it. I'm getting a divorce from this two-timing man _now_!"_

Seeing the fierce look on Kurenai's face, Kakashi decided to do something to cheer her up: "Do you want to marry me, Kurenai Yuhi?"

At first, Kurenai was taken back at Kakashi's sudden proposal. But then smiled warmly and answered, "Yes, Kakashi Hatake, I'll be delighted to marry you."

Obviously, the next thing they did was kiss. And Kurenai's final thoughts were, _"I'll divorce Asuma…" _

_After my honeymoon." _

* * *

**A/N: As always, please R&R and thank co-author Craftygirl as well (and I guess you can thank the creator of Naruto as well-if you want).**


	5. Chapter 5: Man's Best Friend

**A/N: This fanfic is actually written by three people this time: me, Craftygirl (as usual), and my brother (no pen name yet, but he will... once I _make_ him join heh-heh).**

**Plus, when I'd realized that some Naruto characters were barely main characters (you'll have to read on to see who), I began this fanfic because I wanted a fanfic where the lesser-used characters were main characters.**

**And I apologize for its shortness, but Craftygirl and I didn't really like the characters-or the plot-as much. **

**But it's _still_ fun to read, and you're probably tired of reading this author's note (or did you just skip it?), so I'll just stop now and let you enjoy the fanfic.**

* * *

A day like no other.

Bright, sunny, and warm.

"_The perfect weather… _Kiba thought with an impish grin, standing on the railing of his balcony, before he added, _"to train!" _

With that in mind, he elastically leapt off the railing, bellowing one of his favorite sayings: "YA-HOOO!!!"

SQUISH!!!

In his enthusiasm, when he'd landed—like a cat—on the ground, Kiba didn't notice the horrendous crime he'd committed.

He'd squashed a bug.

Kiba instantly examined the bug he'd just squashed! It was a beetle—a large beetle! _¡Aye, dios mio! Shino's gonna kill me if he finds out!_ He cradled the bug in his arms. _What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!_

"Hey! Kiba!"

Kiba forced himself to turn his head.

It was Shino.

_I can't let him know what I did! I've gotta…gotta think of something quick!_ Kiba then went up to Shino and gave him a pat on the back. "Hey, my homie! How's it going, dawg?"

Unfortunately for Kiba, he had accidentally slapped the dead—and now _flat_—beetle onto the back of Shino's jacket in the process.

Kiba, after he did that, ran away, far away out of Konoha.

Shino instantly figured out that something had happened to one of his bugs, and so he sent out all his bugs after Kiba, the one who killed the bug.

Covering the skies, the bugs flew to Kiba.

While this happened, all of Konoha noticed the bug-filled sky.

And freaked, and why wouldn't they?

Teuchi: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!"

Moegi: "It's the end of the world!!!"

Rock Lee: "The apocalypse is upon us!!!"

Idate: "Judgment day is at hand!"

Sasuke: "…I think I just peed my pants…"

Meanwhile, Udon, the Hokage at this time, hid under his desk, shivering in terror.

"Hokage! What should we do?!" one ANBU urgently asked.

"I don't know!" Udon cried, tears streaming down his eyes as his runny nose went out of control and formed a pool on the floor. He glanced out the window and saw the influx of bugs flying his way.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" He then ran outside and jumped down from the veranda, plunging five feet down into the ground…

Too bad he didn't work well on his landing skills.

His face flattened at the moment.

Then, he asked all his ANBU to protect him as the bugs flew closer and closer.

The ANBU listened as if like slaves and protected him.

Kunai out, the ANBU surrounded Udon like a pack of wild dogs.

Meanwhile…

"YOU ARE MINE!!!!!" Shino bellowed furiously before he made his bugs all slammed down on Kiba!

WHAM!!!!!

But—somehow—Kiba _survived_!

"…W-what? B-but… _how_?!" Kiba asked himself.

Shino was stunned as well, as his mouth was open as wide as a snake can open its own mouth.

Unfortunately, Kiba being alive was at the cost of someone else's…

Blood spattered everywhere, and the bugs swarmed all over the body that died on-impact. Kiba's eyes widened in horror.

It was Akamaru.

Kiba saw his best friend dead on the ground-tongue sticking out.

Kiba shed tears, lots of tears.

Although Shino didn't care—he was still mad that he missed his target: Kiba.

"No one else to protect you," Shino said as he sent out more bugs after Kiba.

Kiba was about to say that one bite or sting from _any_ bug that Shino sent after him would kill him in less than five minutes, as he was fatally allergic to _all_ bugs.

But… seeing his beyond-bloody, beyond-recognition Akamaru… Kiba's eyes turned blood red, and he started swiftly transforming: growing sharp claws, sharp teeth, and growing hairy beyond recognition.

Yup, Kiba was transforming to his ultimate form: a werewolf!

"I'M GONNA EAT YOU UP!" Kiba roared.

Shino's eyes shrank down to little dots, and his sunglasses fell off from his ears. "Uh-oh," he squeaked.

Kiba then pounced on Shino. In a last-ditch effort to shield himself, Shino commanded his bugs to swarm Kiba, but even his bugs were too afraid of Kiba's new state. So, they fled, because they were oh-so loyal to him, thus leaving Shino wide open to attack.

"My bugs! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

Shino died. He was very dead; yup dead, dead, dead, dead, dead as a rock. And so the newly Kiba was a powerful werewolf.

Looking for more blood to satisfy his hunger, he went to Konoha and the first victim was one that he disliked.

And this person just _happened_ to be Hokage Udon!

Immediately, his ANBU scattered like Shino's bugs when Shino was in his time of need.

Not much loyalty here, is there?

"ANBU! COME BACK HERE!!" Udon shouted. "Your Hokage _needs_ you!"

No reply.

Kiba smirked gleefully, showing off his chompers. "You're a sucky Hokage, Udon—I mean, what kind of name is _Udon_, anyways?"

Sniffing—this time more than usual, as he was near tears, Udon fearfully asked, "W-what a-a-are y-you go-going to d-_do_ to me?!"

"Didn't you ever read what happened to Little Red Riding Hood and her grandma?"

"…They lived?"

"No… they get eaten up!"

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

Unexpectedly, a new voice entered the fold: "Not in my lifetime."

It was Akamaru's ghost—in the flesh.

The fierce expression on Kiba's face instantly disappeared. "A-Akamaru? H-How? You're talking!"

"Of course I'm talking, you idiot!" Akamaru snapped, "But that's not the point! I'm disappointed in you, Kiba; you let me die! How could you?!"

Kiba didn't know what to say (especially now that his _dog_ was scolding him). "Er…I'm sorry…?" he offered feebly.

"And how could you avenge my death by trying to kill the Hokage?" Akamaru scolded.

"Y-Yeah! Listen to the mutt—!" Udon piped up.

"I'm no mutt! Be quiet, you imbecile!" Akamaru barked.

And now Akamaru was bossing around Kiba the werewolf: "First kill the stupid little boy who called me a mutt."

Udon filled with fright and stared at Kiba. Now Udon saw his life pass by and his last few minutes of living in this world as Kiba began to attack.

But instead of attacking Udon… he attacked the ghost! Of course, Kiba went right through his former friend, but still, the unexpected assault shocked both Udon and Akamaru especially.

"Why are you—?" Akamaru began, perplexed, yet Kiba sharply interrupted, "It's because you're not my friend anymore. First, my friend wouldn't talk. Second, my friend wouldn't act so snobbish. Third of all, my friend isn't a _ghost_! Fourth of all, _you sacrificed yourself_ for _me_! I had _nothing_ to do with your death! _You_ were the idiot! And fifth of all… my friend wouldn't be so bossy!"

Akamaru growled in fury. "Why… you… ungrateful BOY!"

"WEREWOLF now!" Kiba roared back in equal anger.

"Oh yeah? I can transform, too!"

"Darn! I forgot about that…"

Yup. The only one that can equal Kiba's werewolf form was Akamaru's own transformed form.

And, forgotten, Udon began sneaking away.

"Ninja art of human mimicry!" Akamaru cried. Instantly, he turned into another Kiba! "Now let's settle this once and for all!"

"You're a foolish mutt, Akamaru," Kiba teased. "Why'd you even bother turning into the old me? You don't stand a chance against me now!" He then lunged for Akamaru…only to go through him again.

Kiba landed flat on his face. "Hey! What gives?!" he demanded furiously.

"I'm a ghost, remember? No matter what you do, you won't be able to touch me," Akamaru informed him haughtily.

"But you won't be able to touch me, either!" Kiba reminded him. "Man! What kind of lame fight is this?"

"Akamaru, this is stupid. Wanna be friends again?"

"Sure, why not?"

"Let's kill Udon before he gets away." So they turned on Udon and lunged at him.

Akamaru went for the head.

Nothing happened.

"Akamaru, you can't hurt people physically, I told you that before, Akamaru."

"Shut up and just kill."

Kiba then killed Udon by pulling off his legs, arms, and head.

"…Now what?" Kiba asked Akamaru, which made Akamaru sigh and reply, "You're so lost without me."

"Shaddup," glared Kiba.

Akamaru was silent for a few seconds before he stated, "Become Hokage."

Kiba stared at Akamaru in bewilderment. "Become… Hokage?"

"Come to think of it…nah, _I_ should become Hokage!" Akamaru decided.

"What? How could _you_ become Hokage?" Kiba asked incredulously. "You're a ghost!"

A wicked grin passed Akamaru's face. "And what's wrong with that?"

The next thing Kiba knew was that he was possessed by Akamaru! "MUHAHAHAHA!! Now I shall rule!"

And so, Akamaru—in Kiba's werewolf body—become the new Hokage of the Hidden Leaf Village.

That is…until a bee stung him one day, and ended his life.

Oh well, if only Akamaru had known that Kiba was _fatally_ allergic to all bugs!


	6. Chapter 6: The Hunted

"Your mission… is to find—and then kill—the Akatsuki."

All four senseis were aghast. "What?!"

"Genin can't handle that sort of mission! It's S-rank—the highest of the high!" Iruka protested fervently, having heard the whole ordeal. "Are you out of your mind?!"

"And that's why all four squad leaders are going to accompany them, including you, Iruka," Tsunade informed him.

"But—" began Kurenai, as Iruka wasn't the only one who thought that the mission was much too advanced for mere Genin.

Yet Tsunade interrupted her. "If twelve Genin, one Chunin, and four Jonin aren't enough to take down the Askatski… then there is but one alternative…"

"…And what's what?" Asuma curiously asked—although hesitantly, as the near-evil smile Tsunade gave off frightened him.

"If the mission fails… then that means _all_ of you—Genin included—will be beheaded by my guillotine."

Iruka shuddered and Guy responded—amazed, "_I_ didn't know you have a guillotine…"

"Are you questioning me, Guy?" Tsunade asked. "I am the fifth Hokage, you know. Don't think that I can't keep my word…or do you wish to test me?"

Guy shook his head hard. "N-no, ma'am!"

Tsunade smiled, "Good. Then go on and tell the Genin. I expect you all to depart in half an hour."

"OH, YEAH!! This is perfect!" Naruto cried, his excitement oozing from his voice. "I've always wanted to take part in an S-rank mission! Kakashi-sensei, you're the best!"

Kakashi sighed. "Don't thank me just yet…"

Iruka glanced at Naruto, and then glared at Kakashi. _I thought _I_ was the best!_

As all the little Genin paraded out of the gates of Konoha, a blanket of fog engulfed the area before them.

Naruto marveled the distance before him. "Wow! Perfect weather! Ripe for killing those Akatsuki, wherever they may be hiding!"

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura began, "Might I suggest using your Sharingan?"

Naruto nodded in agreement. "Yeah! With that Sharingan, you're so _awesome_!"

Iruka seethed in fury. _That's it Kakashi, you're going _down

But there was no need. Before anyone knew what was going on, a kunai knife came out of nowhere, just barely missing Naruto's head!

"EEK!" Naruto screamed, and then cowered behind Kakashi. "I take it back! I take it all back! I don't think I wanna do this anymore! This is way too scary!"

Iruka was alarmed. "They're after Naruto!"

"Everyone! Move out! We're open targets if we just clump together like this!" Kakashi ordered.

So, everyone scattered, breaking off by themselves and in pairs. Kakashi and Guy, Kurenai and Asuma, Naruto and Hinata, Sasuke and Sakura, Chouji and Ino, Neji and TenTen, Kiba and Shino, Shikamaru and Lee, and Iruka—with no one to pair up with—was by himself.

Guy was scowling. "Why do I have to be paired up with _you_? You suck! Lee and I would be a much better pairing."

"Enough out of you," Kakashi snapped. "I don't want to be paired up with you, either, but—"

Suddenly, Kakashi was cut off.

When his body unexpectedly split in _two_!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Guy screamed when Kakashi's blood splattered on the ground and on him. "I take back all that I'd said before! Just come back to me, Kakashi!"

Guy tried to put Kakashi back together, but to so avail. "NNNNOOOOOOO!!! YOU'RE DEAD! YOU'RE ACTUALLY _DEAD_!!!!!"

Naruto—hidden with Hinata nearby—was quaking in fear. _Oh no! Kakashi was my only real defense, my only hope! Now that he's gone, there's no one to protect me! Now_ _all the Akatsuki will be after me! I'll be overkilled! The only way to protect myself then is… _Naruto then looked at his partner, Hinata.

"N-Naruto… why are you looking at me that way?"

Naruto slowly approached her. "Hey, Hinata… Can I ask you for a favor?"

"W-What is it…?"

"No! Naruto! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!"

A faint scream echoed throughout the forest, and Kiba's ears perked up instantly. "No! Hinata!" He started to chase after her scream, but then Shino stopped him.

"Don't bother," he said.

Kiba glanced at him in horror. "You don't mean she's…?" Kiba couldn't even say it, but Shino still nodded.

Kiba's eyes welled up in tears, and he burst out sobbing. "B-but I was gonna _marry_ her!"

Shino raised an eyebrow. "Okay…I'll pretend I didn't hear that…" He then turned the other way. "I'll be back in a little bit…Don't go anywhere."

Kiba started to panic. "Hold it, Shino! Don't leave me! Please! I-I don't wanna die!"

Shino turned around slowly.

"Too late."

"What do you—?" Kiba began, and then his expression changed. From a bewildered Genin, to a gaping Genin, and, finally…

To a dead Genin. His body fell facedown, and it was then that Shino wordlessly strolled away.

And Akamaru?

He was nowhere to be found.

Ino's head instantly turned at the shriek of Hinata—not Kakashi's, though, as she barely knew Kakashi, and so didn't care what happened to him.

But Hinata… she was a fellow girl, and Ino knew that she had paired up with Naruto, and Ino didn't trust Naruto. Her parents told her to watch out for "that kid".

And so Ino blurted out to Chouji—whose back was turned, "Naruto killed Hinata!"

Chouji didn't response.

"Didn't you _hear_ me?! I _said_, Naruto killed Hinata! We could be next!"

Finally, Chouji replied.

But it wasn't what Ino expected. "So… hungry…"

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Missed… breakfast… so… hungry…"

"You're _hungry_?! We've got more _important_ things to worry about than—" Unexpectedly, Chouji turned to faced Ino, and the face she was staring at wasn't her former teammate's.

"…Chouji… why are you looking at me that way? Like… you want to… eat—"

Sakura glanced around her surroundings nervously, cautiously looking out for any signs of immediate danger. "Sasuke…I'm worried. We came out here to hunt down the Akatsuki…but…it looks like _we're_ the ones being hunted!"

"And who told you that?" Sasuke asked, his kunai knife held out before him. "Our mission is to kill the Akatsuki, right? And that's exactly what we'll do."

"EEP! Save me!"

Suddenly, someone came running out of the bushes. Instinctively, Sasuke drew his kunai back and swung it, thinking it was an Akatsuki member.

Too bad it wasn't. Shikamaru's bloody body fell to the grass floor.

Sakura shrieked. "Sasuke! Y-You killed him!"

Sasuke just stared at the dead corpse. "Don't look at me! I didn't mean to!"

"But you did!" Sakura protested. She was now seriously freaking out now. "You MURDERED him, Sasuke!"

"You saw. It was an accident!"

"I saw that you murdered Shikamaru."

"B-but—"

"Tell me Sasuke, are you working for the Akatsuki?"

"No! I'd _never_—"

"TELL ME THE TRUTH!!!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

"Are these tears of your confession Sasuke?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!"

"TELL ME!!!!!"

"Sasuke! Brother!" Itachi frantically said, leaping out from the bushes. "I have something to tell you."

Sakura gasped. "So you _are_ working for the Akatsuki!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! N-ni-san, m-make her stop… m-make her s-stop… a-accusing me…"

"Are you making my brother cry?"

Sakura saw the icy glare of Itachi, and flinched. "Er…maybe?"

"That's it! You're dead!" Itachi cried. "Mangekyo Sharingan: Tsukiyomi!"

It was too late for Sakura. There was nothing she could do. She was caught in Itachi's genjutsu.

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

So now that Sakura was out of the way, Sasuke beamed. "Yay! Ni-san, you're the best!"

Itachi walked over to his brother. Tears welled up in his eyes. "Little brother, I miss you!" he wept, embracing Sasuke in loving hug. "I've been meaning to tell you… I never meant to join the Akatsuki! Kisame kidnapped me!"

Sasuke was horrified. "What?"

As if on cue, Kisame emerged from behind a tree. "Well, well, Itachi. This is certainly a surprise. What do you have to say for yourself?" He withdrew his long shark sword. "You know, I could kill you both…in one single slice."

"You can kill me but not my brother."

"NNO, ni-san! I-I just got you back!"

"What about if I just kill you _both_!" With that, Kisame swung his sword—yet, at the same time, Itachi exclaimed, "Mangekyo Sharingan: Tsukiyomi!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!" Kisame screeched.

Then fell facedown on top of the already unconscious Sakura.

Unfortunately, Itachi coughed up a gallon of blood before he collapsed.

"NIIIIISSAAAAN!!!!!" Sasuke cried out, immediately catching his fallen brother, then gasped at the one-foot long, one inch deep wound across his brother's body.

"B-brother…" Itachi began feebly, "T-there's… s-something I-I… h-have to… t-tell… you…"

"W-what is it?" Sasuke asked, his eyes already tearing up.

"S-somebody… o-on… y-your t-team… is… a-a t-traitor…"

Sasuke gasped. "Who? WHO?! Is it… Naruto?"

"I-I… d-don't… k-know… j-just… b-be… c-care… f-full…"

"DON'T DIE ON ME!!!! NI-SAN!!!!"

Abruptly, Itachi's tongue stuck out, and eyes rolled back into his head, which made Sasuke stare into those white, lifeless eyes…

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NNNIIIII-SSSSAAAAAAAAANN!!!!!!"

As Sasuke cried on his brother's dead body, Naruto suddenly jumped down from one of the trees. "Hey, Sasuke! I heard a lot of screaming just now!" Naruto looked around frantically. "What the heck's going on?!"

Sasuke froze. _N-Naruto!_ He quickly reached down to remove a fresh kunai knife.

Naruto glanced behind Sasuke's shoulder. "Oh my, gosh! Sasuke! Is that Itachi?! Is he really…_dead_?!"

Sasuke twitched at the word. _Dead…ni-san's really dead…_ He gripped his kunai knife. _Itachi warned me that someone on my team was a traitor… And it's gotta be Naruto!_

Sasuke swiftly turned around, and charged at Naruto with his kunai knife. "DIE, YOU TRAITOR!!"

Naruto gasped. "Sasuke!"

The next thing Sasuke knew was a kunai knife had impaled him straight in the head. "N-no…"

Sasuke then collapsed onto the ground, and when he did, behind of him was…

"Iruka?!"

"Are you okay?" Iruka worriedly asked, dashing right besides Naruto. "Did he hurt you? Did I get him in time?"

All Naruto could do was stare at the kunai in Sasuke's head.

The kunai that belonged to Iruka.

"I-Iruka-sensei… why did you kill Sasuke?"

"Why? He was going to _kill_ you, Naruto! I was trying to _protect_ you. You should be grateful, after all I'd done for you, and praise _me_. _Instead_ of that Kakashi."

Iruka's words sent a chill down Naruto's body. "K-Kakashi? Were… _you_ the one that killed him?"

Iruka's brow furrowed. "_Me_? Killed _Kakashi_? No…I didn't." He shrugged. "But actually, that wouldn't have been such a bad idea. Darn! I wish I had thought of that first!"

Naruto quickly backed away from Iruka, shaking his head furiously. "I-I don't know you anymore, Iruka-sensei! You killed Sasuke…_and_ Kakashi!"

Iruka stood up and approached Naruto. "Wait! But I—I didn't kill Kakashi! And as for Sasuke, it was for your benefit—"

Naruto whipped out a kunai knife, and held it in front of himself defensively. "Don't come any closer! You don't deserve to live!"

Iruka's eyes dilated in horror. "No, Naruto! You don't know what you're doing! GGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Iruka fell to his knees, blood dripping from his mouth. "N-Naruto…before I die…I just wanted to tell you that I am…" You coughed up crimson blood.

"…I am…your father." After that last breath, Iruka collapsed on the ground, leaving Naruto to only gape at him.

_My…father? _Naruto fell on his knees. "NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

"Naruto! What—" Kurenai began, appearing from the thickness of the fog—along with Asuma—then stopped cold when she saw Sasuke, Sasuke, Iruka, and two Akatsuki members.

All dead.

With Naruto holding a bloodied kunai.

"Naruto… did _you_ do all this?" Kurenai gasped as Asuma puked from the reeking stench of blood.

Silence.

"Naruto… ANSWER ME. Did you—?"

Twuck!

"OW!!" Kurenai cried out when Naruto's kunai pierced one of her eyes.

Naruto then ran away.

"COWARD!!!! COME BACK HERE AND—!!!"

"Kurenai," Asuma began, just recovering from his puking. "Why are you—?"

"WHAT?!" Kurenai snapped, the kunai still in her eyeball.

And it was this sight that made Asuma fainted.

"Did you hear that, Neji? Sounds like someone screaming," Tenten observed.

"Nah, it's nothing to worry about," Neji reassured her. "They probably found some of those no-good Akatsuki members."

Tenten thought for a moment. "Hmm. I thought I heard Iruka-sensei and Naruto screaming just now…but…" She shrugged. "Oh, well." She held out a tea pot. "Would you like some more tea, Neji?"

Neji held out his cup for her. "Sure, why not?"

"I'm still not sated yet!" Chouji bellowed, rolling around with his Art of Expansion: Human Juggernaut jutsu. _That bony Ino wasn't much of a meal…and that sneaky shrimp Shikamaru got away! Aargh! I'll have to find someone else! _

It was then that Rock Lee emerged from the fog, searching his partner. "Shikamaru? Hey, are you out there! _Hello_! I thought we were supposed to stick to the buddy system!"

"Aha! Here's my chance!" Chouji rolled behind a wide tree. _Once he comes by, I'll squash him dead and then he'll be easy enough to eat! And what's more, this kid actually has some tasty muscles on his bones! Heh-heh! It's brilliant!_

Suddenly, Guy came running out from behind the trees. "Lee! I'm so glad I found you! Kakashi…he's dead!"

Lee gaped at this sensei in shock. "Guy-sensei… I am disappointed in you."

"What do you mean, Lee?"

"That you let your jealousy in Kakashi-sensei overwhelm you, and so you killed him."

"Lee… how could you even _think_ that I would stoop—?"

"And to think I had once idolized you."

"Lee! Are you saying that you don't want to _worship_ me anymore?!"

"No… I am saying that now… you must die."

"Lee…" Guy apprehensively began, cautiously backing away from his former student. "Surely you don't mean that, right? Aren't I your favorite sensei?"

"Not anymore…" Lee replied emotionlessly, unwrapping the bandages around his arms.

Guy noticed, and panicked. "Lee, before you do _that_, you ought to know that—"

"Goodbye."

"Iknowwhokilled—"

Yet before he Guy could finish, Lee used his unwrapped bandages to strangle his former sensei's face turned blue.

_Oops… should have waited till he had told me who's been killing everyone. Oh well. He was probably the one who had done it, and was trying to trick me into believing it was somebody else. Now, I will find the rest of my teammates, and tell them that they have no reason to hide anymore, for I have killed the murderer._

Or so he thought. The moment Lee killed Guy (and let his guard done), Chouji came rolling out from behind the trees. "YOU'RE MINE!!"

"Huh?" Lee turned his head towards the sound of the voice, and the next thing he knew, he was run over…

Flat as a shuriken.

"Hey, Asuma! Wake up!" Kurenai shook him by the shoulders. Hard.

But he didn't wake up.

So she slapped him. Hard.

He still didn't wake up.

So she slapped him again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And then she stabbed his arm. "YYYYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWWW!!" He slapped her hand away, and jumped as high as Mt. Everest before landing down on his butt. "Kurenai! What'd you do that for?!"

"…"

"Kurenai?"

Finally, Asuma got one good look at Kurenai, and saw that the kunai in her eye was now deeper than ever. Though unintended, he had accidentally slapped the _kunai_ deeper in her head—not her hand!

"Asuma…you idiot…" Kurenai rasped, and then collapsed on the ground.

Of course, Asuma was freaking out. "No! Kurenai!" He propped her up on his lap. "No! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"F-Forget the Akatsuki…there's a murderer out here… And I think his name is…"

"His name is…?" Asuma urged.

"His name…is…!" Kurenai croaked.

"Yes? What is it?!" Asuma started to grow impatient, and shook her. Hard.

Kurenai glared at him. "Doggone it! His name is Asuma!"

And then she died.

_Asuma is the murderer? _Shino said to himself, surprised, after overhearing the last part of the conversation that Kurenai and Asuma had. _…I've got to avenge my teacher. _

But before he could do so, a large boulder was in his way. _…I am mistaken… it is the inflated Chouji, not a boulder… but what is he _doing

Chouji was rolling back and forward, creating a vast trench.

_I have no time for this. I've got to avenge Kurenai before Asuma gets away! _

Summoning his entire bug army, he made them horde on Chouji.

And then made all the bugs go down Chouji's throat.

_I'm sorry that I had to sacrifice you, my friends, but you did not die in vain. You had died for a good cause. _

"Arf!"

"Yes, Akamaru, you are my new friend," Shino replied to the dog that he had hidden within his jacket.

"Arf!"

"Yes, Kiba was a _bad_ master to you. But I'll be a good master, you'll see."

"Arf!"

Finally, Shino had realized that Akamaru _wasn't_ talking about how much better Shino would be to him compared to Kiba.

"What is it, Akamaru?"

Abruptly, Akamaru bolted from Shino as rapidly as possible.

"…I thought we were… friends…" Shino said, downcast.

A tear falling across his cheek.

Unexpectedly, a bunny came into view.

Smiling, Shino bent down and greeted it. "Hello there. Would you like to be my new friend?"

Suddenly, the bunny split into _two_ bunnies!

"Ohh… what a cool ability you have. Now I have another friend."

And then the two split into four. Then sixteen, then two hundred fifty-six, then to a number than Shino couldn't even _count_!

"…As much as I'd like to keep you all, I don't think that all of you can fit into my—AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

The thousands of bunnies had unpredictably dog-piled onto Shino—not only squishing the life outta him.

But cutting off the air supply, suffocating him as well.

Meanwhile…

Asuma could only stare at the dead body of his fellow Jonin.

His one true love.

Tears streamed down his eyes. "No, Kurenai…" Asuma wept, "KURENAI!!"

As he continued to wail over her, he suddenly heard footsteps in the distance, and glanced up.

"Oh, it's you," Asuma breathed, a sigh of relief passing over him. "Kurenai's dead. You've gotta help me. Before she died, she was…she was gonna warn me…about a murderer—right here among us! You don't think it's—"

Yet before he could even finish his sentence, he died in a flash, a sharp blade penetrating his chest.

"Y-you're the…murderer…"

But it was too late. He was already dead.

The murderer stared at Asuma—then turned his head to a voice edging nearer.

"That was a lovely tea party—if I do say so myself," Neji commented TenTen, holding her hand.

Hearing this, the murderer quickly darted away.

"Why thank you, Nej—" TenTen instantly stopped short. The fog had thinned enough for TenTen to see a large pile of dead bloodied bodies only a few feet in front of her and Neji.

TenTen gasped. "W-who'd… _do_ this?!"

Neji responded with a "Byakugan!"

Searching the forest area, Neji explained, "Whoever did it is probably still nearby, waiting to catch us off guard so that he can—"

"Neji! TenTen! Boy am I glad to see _you_ two…"

Both Neji and Tenten exchanged glances in horror.

"Neji! It's gotta be Naruto, right?" Tenten whispered.

Neji nodded. "I think so," he agreed. "I can't detect anyone else close by…at least…no one that's still alive…"

They both then looked at Naruto with icy glares.

Naruto blinked at them. "Hey, why are you guys looking at me like that?"

"Tell us one thing: where is everyone?" Neji asked, his voice calm and even.

Naruto looked around, and then shrugged. "I dunno. I just passed Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei just a moment ago—"

"You mean the Jonin that are now _dead_?" Tenten interrupted.

"Dead?!" Naruto repeated incredulously. Then it hit him. "Wait, you don't think that I…? No way! I didn't do anything! Honest! The only one I killed was—"

Neji activated his Byakugan again. "Once a liar, always a liar. My eyes see everything, and right now, I foresee your death!"

Naruto bolted in the other direction. "No! I didn't do anything! I didn't do—" A gasp escaped his throat. "You're..!"

"…Dead," Tenten finished, a grin plastered across her face. Her perfect aim hit its target dead-center.

A dozen shuriken stuck out from Naruto's back, and he dropped to his knees before falling face-down on the floor.

And when Naruto fell, behind him was…

"Kakashi-sensei! You're alive!" TenTen cheered, then went up to hug him.

Neji was suspicious of Kakashi's 'survival'. _How could he be alive? Unless… _"TenTen, wait!"

"Huh?" But that was TenTen's last word before a hand reached into a chest and ripped out her heart!

"TENTEN!!!!"

"Don't worry," Kakashi said, and then threw her heart at him. Neji caught it, as it represented the love they'd once shared.

Kakashi must've gotten the same idea, as he'd added, "I'll let you keep it, so you can always have her heart close to you."

"_Why_ would you do this? Why would you kill my beloved TenTen?!"

Kakashi sighed. "I really don't want to explain myself..." adding to himself, _And I thought he was given the gift of being another genius…_

"TELL ME!!!"

"Okay, since you're going to die, anyway, I'll tell you. I killed TenTen because I'm supposed to kill all of you. First, I faked my own death using a doppelganger. Then, I killed Hinata by putting her in a genjutsu, making her believe that it was Naruto that was the one killing her, when it was actually me."

"Lady Hinata! My cousin!" Neji cried out, adding, "You fiend! How could you? _I_ wanted to be the one to kill her!"

Kakashi continued as if he'd never been interrupted. "Naruto didn't notice, as he was too scared for himself to really pay attention—and I also placed him in a genjutsu, just in case. Next, I killed Kiba with a giant shuriken I'd 'borrowed' from Iruka to frame him. Then Shino. His death was a mixture of doppelgangers and genjutsu."

"A-And what about Asuma? What about him?!" Neji demanded.

Kakashi just shrugged. "My favorite move. It's a classic…" He quickly punctured his thumb with a kunai knife, and then marked a scroll with his blood.

"Chirdori?" Neji guessed. "Is that it? …Is that how you intend to kill me?" Although he tried to sound brave, fear soon got the best of him. "W-Well I'm not afraid of you! Jonin or not, I can take you on!" He glanced at the bloody heart in his hand. _I swear to avenge you…Tenten!_

And with this new resolve, Neji sunk down into his Gentle Fist pose.

Kakashi smirked. "Such chivalrous words…" he mocked. "I wonder…can you actually live up to them?"

"Summoning Jutsu!"

Neji was taken aback. "What?! Summoning Jutsu?"

"You really don't know anything, do you? Don't you know that the procedure to perform chidori doesn't require blood or scrolls? And as for that bloody heart I handed to you earlier…that was just so it'd be easier for my Ninken to track you down… Love hurts, doesn't it?"

Neji was horrified. "What?" he gasped, "Y-You tricked me!"

But it was too late. There was nothing Neji could do now.

Now that his head was bitten off.

_Mission completed, _Kakashi said to himself before he poofed back to Tsunade, announcing, "It is done. Not only are all the Akatsuki dead, but so are the Jonin, Genin, and that Chunin… just like you'd asked."

"Very good Kakashi, a job well done."

"So do I get my Make-Out Paradise back?"

"Ohh, you'll get your reward, alright…" Tsunade replied, a slight, twisted smile escaping her lips. "Just follow me," she gestured, leading him into a dark room.

"So where is it? Where is my Make-Out Paradise?"

"Stand right there," Tsunade ordered, pointing to a spot in the room. Kakashi did as he was told, responding, "Is this where you hid it?"

"Bend down," Tsunade continued, her wicked grin only growing broader.

"Bend down?" Kakashi questioned, yet did as he was told. "Why do I have to—?"

CHOP!!!

As his head rolled across the floor, Tsunade chuckled, picked up the head, and spoke to it. "I needed to use my guillotine on _someone_."

* * *

**A/N: I think this is Craftygirl and my best one yet (despite the sort of cut off ending)! And I hope that all you readers had enjoyed it, too. Plus, don't forget to review please.**


	7. Chapter 7: Misunderstandings

**A/N: To all who've waited sooooooo long for this, we are soooooo sorry :(:(:(**

**But guess what? we've _finally _updated! So R&R please.**

* * *

Sasuke's left hand flashed with chidori, his once-onyx eyes burning with Sharingan. "I'm gonna _kill_ you, Naruto!" 

"Not if I kill you first!" Rasengan in hand, he charged at Sasuke, in which he (Sasuke), too, did the same (to Naruto).

And each had a battle cry.

Naruto's: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARUUGH!!!"

Sasuke's: "RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Although to the bystander, it sounded like…

Naruto: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

Sasuke: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!"

WHAM!!!

Someone got hit!

But it _wasn't_ Naruto!

_Or_ Sasuke!

It was…

Sakura!

And unlike the last time, neither of them hesitated.

As Sakura's body disintegrated on contact!

Naruto gasped, reeling in from the shock. "What just happened?!"

Sasuke scoffed. "You make it sound like something awful. Quit the act, Naruto. I know you're also glad that no-talent annoyance is dead."

Naruto shook his head. "No, it's not that. I don't care if she died or not. It's just that I was surprised she just popped out of nowhere."

"Oh. Well…" Sasuke created another chidori. "NOW YOU MUST DIE!!"

Naruto—stunned that Sasuke got back to the match so rapidly—didn't have time to dodge.

And so the chidori went through his body.

Sasuke smirked as the blood flowed from Naruto's body to his arm. "Heh. How'd ya like that? You're _bleeding_."

"O-oh yeah? S-so a-are you," Naruto feebly smiled faintly—yet victoriously—before he collapsed.

Sasuke frowned. "What are you—?" Suddenly, he looked down and saw his own blood flowing.

From a rasengan hole in his stomach. Sasuke's eyes widened. "H-how did _that_—?"

He didn't finish.

As he died, too.

But don't get the wrong idea. Just because all three of the Genin were dead doesn't mean this story ends. Not by a long shot. For as soon as they took each others' lives, Kakashi—who was too busy laughing his head off reading Make-Out Paradise—just so happened to trip on the two dead bodies.

_Crack! Crack! Crack! Crack! CRUNCH!_ The impact of his body falling on those of his students caused all of Sasuke's and Naruto's bones to crack. Not that that mattered, though…with them dead and all.

"Oops. My bad." Kakashi smiled nervously, expecting his two students to complain about how clumsy he was.

But there was no reply.

Kakashi then stared at the eerie white eyes of the two Genin. "Sasuke? …Naruto? Are you…?" A ghastly realization suddenly sunk in. "…D-Did I…?"

"NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I must have _killed_ them!"

"Sakura! Sakura!" he desperately hollered. "Please forgive me! But I have killed our teammates!"

No response.

And this worried Kakashi. _No oh. She's not showing up, which means that she doesn't forgive me!_

As Kakashi nervously bit his nails in apprehension (through the mask), he tried to figure out what to do next. _Maybe I should bury the bodies. And then make up an excuse to why they're not here right now. Yeah, that's what I should—_

"Hey Kakashi. What's shaking?"

_OHHH NOO!!!!! _

Hastily, Kakashi sat on his dead students.

"Hiya, and may I ask what you're doing to your students there?" Guy curiously asked.

"Ohh nothing, really. Just a little training exercise I'm doing." _Will he actually believe me?_

Guy frowned.

Kakashi panicked. _Oh no, he doesn't believe me! _

"Aren't you being kinda harsh? I mean, they're bleeding all over the place."

"All part of the training."

Guy raised an eyebrow. "Training, huh? Let's just see about that!" _I don't know what you're up to, Kakashi. But I'll figure you out one way or another. _

He walked over to Kakashi. "You call this training?"

Kakashi started to panic. _Darn it. He's getting too close. What am I going to do? _"Hey, I wouldn't come any closer, Guy."

"Naruto? Sasuke? Can you hear me?" Guy called. _That's funny; they're not moving _or_ talking. _He then glanced up at his rival. "Oh? And why shouldn't I? You aren't hiding anything, are you?"

"_No_, 'course not…" Kakashi insisted, although by now, millions of sweat drops poured down his face. "It's just that…" Kakashi hesitated, trying to come up with something plausible. "T-They're dangerously sick! They've been coughing up blood since training started!" Kakashi smiled to himself, glad at how he came up with such a clever idea. _Now he'll have to believe me! _"I swear, it's the Plague! Run for your life, Guy! It's not safe here!"

But unfortunately for Kakashi, Guy didn't buy it. "And if it was the Plague, what would you be doing _sitting on top_ of your students?" he countered. A gasp suddenly escaped his throat. "I don't believe it! Did you seriously KILL them?!"

"N-No! I didn't—I mean, _I couldn't_! I couldn't have _killed_ them!" Kakashi reasoned, though at the same time, he was trying to convince himself of that.

"Don't lie to me, Kakashi!" Guy demanded. "Now you better move it and let me have a look at your students! Or else I'll—"

"Or else you'll what…?" Kakashi said in a low voice, his eyes downcast so that Guy couldn't see his face.

"Huh?"

"GGGGGGGGGGGUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

As Guy, white-eyed and staring into space, crumpled onto the ground, Kakashi sighed. _I didn't want to kill you, didn't want to use the Mangekyo on you…_

_But you'd given me no—_

"Guy-sensei, Guy-sensei!"

Kakashi groaned inwardly. _Why is this my unlucky day? _

Rock Lee supersonically dashed up to Guy as soon as he'd heard his sensei cry out. "Guy—" he paused when he saw his sensei facedown on the ground.

"…Guy-sensei, this is no time to be napping. You promised me you would give me the twenty extra hours of training!"

Kakashi stared at Lee in surprise. _Twenty hours?! How long does this kid—no matter; he doesn't even know what _really_ happened to his sensei. He doesn't even know I'm _here_! Better make a run for it while I can. _

And so he hurriedly vanished.

And Lee _still_ didn't realize that Kakashi was there. "Guy-sensei… WAKE UP," Lee firmly stated before doing a "Leaf Hurricane!" on his sensei.

Still no reply.

Or any movement. _Umm… this is strange. Usually, my kick is strong enough to wake Guy-sensei out of _any_ nap._

_This calls for drastic action. _"Guy-sensei… Kakashi is the greatest, and so I am going to train under him now."

Guy _still_ didn't shoot up from his nap! _…Maybe he does not think I am serious. _"I am serious Guy-sensei. If you do not wake up, I am going to worship Kakashi morning, noon, and night.

The same silence. _That is it. Now it is time to _really_ do something._ Taking out a kunai, Lee raised it to the side of his head and announced, "I am going to shave—no, I am going to hack off both my eyebrows."

"DON'T DO IT LEE!!!!!" Guy bellowed, shooting up from the trance-like state that Kakashi had put him under.

"Guy-sensei, you are awake!"

"I'm… awake?"

"Yeah. You were napping the entire time—and I was really getting worried. We are so behind schedule now. We must make it _forty_ hours of training. Nonstop."

"Yes. You're right Lee, we've got to make up for it."

Before they'd begun though, Guy asked himself, _Why _did_ I fall asleep?_

It was then that Lee noticed Naruto's and Sasuke's bloody, immobile bodies. "Hey, what is up with Naruto and Sasuke?" He ran up to them. "Naruto, Sasuke…what are you guys doing? Wake up!" He kicked them gently, but too bad "gently" in Lee terms meant the opposite.

It turns out Lee kicked both their heads off to America.

Might Guy widened his eyes in shock. "Lee! Y-You…! YOU KILLED THEM!!"

"But they were already dead, Guy-sensei! I did not do anything wrong! I-It must have been…it must have been…" Lee glanced around frantically, looking for someone to blame. "It must have been YOU, Guy-sensei! You are the murderer!"

Guy was horrified. "But I—I didn't kill them! How could I? You saw me, Lee! I was lying unconscious on the floor when you found me—"

Lee cut him off. "Or maybe you are just saying that because you killed them and then _pretended_ you were unconscious so you would not look guilty. But too bad for you, Guy-sensei! Because I am not fooled!"

"No wait! Lee! You must understand! I didn't—"

"GGGGGGGGGGGGGUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

If only Guy had blamed Kakashi…then Lee _might_ have believed him. But too bad he forgot.

_Now I have to cover up all three of their deaths: Guy-sensei's, Sasuke's, and Naruto's. _

Yes, Lee still thought _he_ killed them all. And so, he swiftly buried all three bodies in a huge sand pile.

Unfortunately this was bad for three reasons.

One, the sand pile was so huge, it looked pyramid-like.

Yes, the actual pyramid _size_.

Two, now Lee was trapped in a pyramid-sized _hole_.

And three…

"Yo Lee. How did _you_ get trapped down there?"

Kiba and Akamaru showed up.

Simply passing by with their usual walk around Konoha.

"K-_Kiba_!" Lee exclaimed, shocked. "W-what are _you_ doing here?"

Kiba shrugged. "Just passing through. Anyways… how bout you? How did you get stuck down there?"

Meanwhile, as Lee nervously stalled by being silent, Akamaru caught a scent of a familiar smell and quickly leapt out of Kiba's jacket to sniff it out.

The smell led him to the pyramid-like pile, and so he hastily began digging whatever lay buried under.

"Yo Akamaru, whattya doing?" Kiba curiously asked (as he was getting nowhere with Lee).

"W-wait!" Lee desperately shouted.

Kiba ignored him and went right along digging with Akamaru. _Whatever it is that eyebrow kid is trying to hide, _I'll_ find it. _

Five hours later

"Arf!"

"Whattya find?"

"Arf!"

Kiba gasped. In Akamaru's mouth was an arm!

_Naruto's_ arm!

"Akamaru! I know we both hate Naruto, but for you to bite off his arm—and without letting _me_ do it…" Kiba shook his head in disappointment—all the while taking out a kunai and gravely stated, "You've been one bad puppy Akamaru. You're gonna have to be punished…"

So he killed his dog. His so-called "best friend."

Kiba's kunai knife gleamed with crimson blood. "Ya know, I never really cared about Akamaru anyway," Kiba said to no one in particular (yes, he talks to himself). "I've been waiting to replace him with a bigger, better ninja dog anyway. MUHAHAHAHAHA!!"

_Muhahahah…hahahaha…hahaha… _

Kiba's sinister laughter echoed throughout the sand walls. And too bad Kiba wasn't very smart, because loud noises plus a pile of loosely-packed sand on a steep slope equaled a dead Kiba.

Buried alive.

Fortunately for Lee, he had already left the area five hours and one minute earlier. So yeah, the sand didn't bring down the "Lee-ster."

Unfortunately for "the Lee-ster", Kiba's (Akamaru's not really human, and so not really loved much in the ninja world) death was of much importance to someone…

When Kiba didn't show up for some 'special training' (a.k.a. dinner) at her house, Kurenai went in search for him.

That search led her to a large sand pile. And after hours of digging it out with a kunai…

"KIBA!!!!!"

She had found his buried-alive (well, not alive anymore) body. Once again, this caused another avalanche.

But being a sensei, she wasn't an idiot like Kiba, and easily moved out of the way (also carrying Kiba).

Once they were safely out of harm's way… "Kiba… my boy Kiba… you who's like a son to me… who did this to you?"

Abruptly, her teary eyes caught sight of a green spandex lying on the ground. _Hmm… that means… that whoever killed Kiba… is running around Konoha _naked

As for Rock Lee—just as Kurenai had predicted—well…he had decided that getting out of the sand pit was more important than anything…even if it meant he would have to say good-bye to his stretchy jumpsuit. So now that he had escaped the sand dunes, Lee pranced around Konoha in his boxers (because the Lee-ster has enough dignity than to "go commando"), looking for Sakura.

However, it was not long until he ran into Neji and Tenten.

Tenten covered her eyes, while Neji glared at Lee with disgust. "What are you doing like that, Lee? You're a disgrace to all shinobi."

Lee just ignored his teammate. "Hey, have you seen Sakura?"

"No, I haven't. But why are you asking me? Do you seriously think I _ever_ see her?" Neji retorted.

That was when Tenten decided to speak up. "I haven't seen her either, Lee. But there's some rumor that been going around that I think you should know about…"

Lee widened his eyes in surprise. "What is it? Did Sakura finally confess her love for me?" Lee's eyes lit up. "This is too good to be true!"

Yet before Lee could dance around, Tenten whacked him on the head. "Listen up, Lee! Do you want me to tell you or not? Sakura's gone!"

"WHAT?!" Lee couldn't believe it. "But…_how_?!"

"Well, Kurenai-sensei just sent a message," Tenten continued. "While digging under piles of sand, she found the dead bodies of Guy-sensei, Naruto, Sasuke, Kiba, and Akamaru…"

"Sakura's been reported missing since this morning," Neji cut in, "So everyone thinks her disappearance is linked to the deaths of the five of them. And from what Kurenai said…the killer left a green spandex suit behind…and should be roaming around the streets of Konoha…naked…"

Both Neji and Tenten eyed Lee, and then both pointed an accusing finger at him (yes, they just noticed). "LEE! YOU'RE THE KILLER!!"

Lee gasped. _They _KNOW

But he decided to play dumb. "Killer? Now, just because there is a green spandex lying around, does _not_ mean it is I. It could have belonged to Guy-sensei."

"But even if he'd killed everyone, then who killed _him_?" Neji pointed out, still glaring at Lee in suspicion. Lee gulped and hastily said, "Someone could have framed me."

"Trust me," TenTen added, "_No one_ else would touch that spandex of yours."

Lee scowled. _Now there is only one thing to do… _"Even if it _is_ me, I will not be captured by you two. You two are too slow. I can outrun you both."

"We don't have to chase you," TenTen said with a mischievous smirk. "You're going to come with us willingly to Tsunade."

"No way. That is not true."

Even Neji looked at TenTen skeptically as Lee continued, "I will not—"

Lee paused when he saw TenTen waving something in her hand.

"Lookie here Lee, see what I got?"

It was a photograph of Sakura.

Lee instantly ran for it. "Gimme, _gimme_!"

Before Lee could get it, TenTen threw the photograph to Neji—who caught it perfectly with TenTen's perfect aim.

"That is not fair," Lee stated with a frown, and continued being the monkey in the middle until they all reached Tsunade.

By then, they finally handed the photograph to Lee. "Yay!" Lee eagerly snatched the photo away and kissed it over and over again…that is, until Lee suddenly froze, dropping the picture in the process. "Hey, what gives?!" Lee protested. "Tenten! Neji! Are you playing some kind of mean trick on me?!"

Tenten flashed an evil grin. "You're an idiot, Lee, you know that?" She bent down to pick up the photo and waved it in front of Lee.

Lee gasped. "What happened to that beautiful picture of Sakura?!"

"It's genjutsu…a sign inscribed on a parchment meant to look like a picture of Sakura, but what it really was…was a paralysis jutsu," Tenten explained haughtily, "But then again, I guess a no-talent like you wouldn't know something like that."

"What?" Lee couldn't conceal his shook. "B-But I thought you guys…were my friends…" Tears welled up in his eyes.

Neji shook his head. "Ex-friends at that," he told him calmly. "Who in their right minds would be friends with a _murderer_?!" Neji then whammed Lee right in the gut. "Heh. It's funny how you're now more pitifully weak than before…if that's even possible."

All of a sudden, Tsunade emerged from the shadow of her office. "Well, well. What do we have here?"

The moment they caught sight of her, both Tenten and Neji bowed. "We've found the criminal, Tsunade-sama," Tenten reported, her once-cold voice now reverent.

"B-But I am…not the…criminal!" Lee argued through gritted teeth. "I did not kill _anyone_!"

Tsunade grinned wickedly. "Nice work, Tenten…Neji… You know have my permission as the fifth Hokage to be married."

"Yay!" Neji and Tenten jumped around happily and then embraced each other. They skipped hand-in-hand towards the door…

Until Tsunade suddenly whipped out a pair of kunai.

And struck their backs, killing the newly-engaged couple on impact.

Lee quieted a gasp, but then started panicking like crazy when Tsuande reverted her attention to him. "Now…where were we? …Ah, yes…the guillotine shall do nicely…" (Tsuande has a crazy obsession with her beloved guillotine, remember?)

"Why did you kill them?" Lee asked. He wasn't distressed at his teammates' deaths.

He was simply curious. "I mean, they did nothing wrong."

"I just like killing people, like you. I know it wasn't _you_ that killed those five—six, if you count Sakura. You're too much of a baka. But I haven't used my guillotine in such a long time… so I've decided to use it on you," Tsuande explained with a twisted broad grin before she ordered, "Now, march."

"Where?"

"To the guillotine, stupid." And with that, she jabbed him with a lengthy poking stick.

"Yoew!"

"Move it or the next one will have flames," Tsuande threatened before poking him again.

"Stop it! I was moving just now. You did not have to poke me with that thing. That is a cruel and unusual punishment."

"I _am_ cruel," Tsuande sneered before she endlessly jabbed him until they'd reached her guillotine.

"NNNOOO!" Lee screamed as she shoved him into position. "I did not do it. I did not do _any_thing! I do not _deserve_ to die! I am too youthful!"

"Remember? I don't _care_ whether you're the murderer or not. I just love to use my guillotine."

As soon as she'd finished, she moved out of the way and raised her hand, signaling to the executioner to release the blade.

And the executioner just so happened to be…

Jiraiya.

"Jiraiya!" Lee desperately cried out, as Jiraiya was about to release the blade, "Please, SAVE ME!!!!!"

"I am loyal to the Fifth only."

"Even if I give you dirty magazines?"

Jiraiya considered this…

He then leaned toward Lee. "I like your style, kid," he whispered with a smirk, "How many? You better make it a good offer."

"As many as you would like, just SAVE ME!" Lee begged frantically.

Before Jiraiya could answer, Tsunade suddenly turned to face him. "Hey you! Are you _negotiating_ with the criminal?"

"N-No, milady!" Jiraiya answered, sweat starting to pour down his face.

"Do you know what happens to foolish little bakas who refuse to obey my every command?" Tsunade asked him, the impatience dripping from her voice. "Well, DO YOU?!"

"Yes, milady!" Jiraiya exclaimed. The sweat now ran down his face by the gallons. "I am but your humble servant! I will do your every command! You have my word!"

Tsunade's lips curled into a smile. "Good…" _Note to self: after killing this kid, kill Jiraiya…Yes, kill Jiraiya…_

As soon as Tsunade turned the other way, Jiraiya spoke to Lee: "I'm sorry, kid! But you're on your own!"

"But—you cannot—I mean, what about the dirty magazines?!" Lee protested.

"No amount of dirty magazines can get me to save your butt!" Jiraiya whispered back, and then shoved a brown bag over Lee's head before yanking him back down into position.

"Mmmfff!"

"We are gathered here today in Konoha to witness the death of a young shinobi…who took the lives of four of our beloved ninja, as well as a poor, innocent little dog. It will only serve us all justice if he perishes by my blade…" Tsunade declared. "Now who's with me?!"

"KILL THE BOY! KILL THE BOY! KILL THE BOY!"

And then suddenly, a lone voice rang out from the crowd: "Wait! STOP! I OBJECT! LET THE BOY LIVE!"

"WHO DARES INTERRUPT MY KILLING CEREMONY?!?!?!" Tsunade roared, then, when she realized all eyes were on her, she cleared her throat and corrected, "I mean, the time of bringing justice to all those poor, tragic lives that cannot be with us today."

"I did!" a recognizable voice shouted and, swinging his cloak off (yes, he wanted to be a Jedi), the voice belonged to…

"_Kakashi_???" Tsunade gaped in disbelief. _Another most loyal subject? …Guess you can't trust anybody here. Later, I will force everyone into taking loyalty tests. And if they all fail, then they'll all suffer the fate of my guillotine. _

"Yes, it is I, Kakashi," he responded dramatically before leaping onto the platform, adding, "Do not kill the boy, for_ I_, am that murderer that you seek."

"In that case, you too shall die!"

A gasp emerged from the crowd.

"Kakashi?! But how?!"

"Yeah, he's the coolest ninja on the planet!"

"Is it true?!"

Kakashi sighed. "Yes, it is true," he confessed. "While I was out reading Make-Out Paradise this morning, I accidentally tripped on Naruto and Sasuke and crushed all their bones…" He hesitated. "So please, do not blame the boy."

"So you killed Naruto and Sasuke, but what about Guy, Akamaru, and my boy Kiba?" Kurenai asked from the crowd, "And about the disappearance of Sakura? Who's to blame for _them_—?!"

"YOU STUPID IDIOTS!!" Tsunade interrupted, the ferocity burning in her eyes. "Can't you see that there's obviously more people involved in this scandal?!" She pointed a finger at Lee. "This kid here could have very well been responsible for the deaths of the other three! You said you found his spandex suit at the scene of the crime, right, Kurenai?! If I have anything to say about it, I'd say "off with their heads"—the both of them!"

There was a moment of silence, before the crowd rang out in protest.

"Did you hear that? She called us 'stupid idiots!'"

"I'm not gonna take that! Who does she think she is?! Not _my_ Hokage, that's for sure!"

"Yeah, yeah! Hokage's just a title, right?! Off with _her_ head, then!"

Tsuande was alarmed. "What?! YOU FILTHY SCOUNDRELS!! YOU THINK YOU CAN KILL ME?! I CAN TAKE YOU ALL DOWN IN ONE BLOW! BRING IT ON!"

They tried.

But before they could reach her…

BAM!!!

With her super strength, she created the most powerful (and the first) earthquake ever to hit Konoha.

Nobody was left unaffected.

Meaning everybody died.

"See what I mean?" Tsuande bellowed triumphantly as all the crushed bodies surrounded her. "I am the Fifth Hokage. Nothing, and _nobody_, can stop—"

Abruptly, she felt something went through her body! _N-no… I was… so… close…_

As she collapsed, the snake slithered out of the hole it created.

And back to…

Orochimaru!

He wickedly grinned gleefully and—answering her earlier reply… "Except for another Sannin."

* * *

**A/N: We apologize if there were any errors here, and if there is, please inform us so that we can correct it ASAP. **

**And yes, in a way, Orochimaru was the 'good' guy this time. **

* * *

**UPDATE: We thank Frog Lady a TON for catching an error and for helping us to fix it. If there are any more errors (hopefully not; the thought of it might KILL us!) please inform us so that we can correct it ASAP. **


	8. Chapter 8: Accidents

**A/N: Here's another chapter for all you loyal readers to read (of course) and reivew (please say you'll review?). **

**Hope you all will enjoyreadingthis as much as Craftygirl and I loved writing it **"

* * *

I want to be good," Orochimaru said to his loyal slave, Kabuto, one day out of the blue.

"Well, then go ahead, why don't you?" Kabuto prompted with a shrug. "But first of all, you've just gotta get rid of your pale face. It just _screams_ evil!"

"And you do you suppose I'll go about doing _that_?!" Orochimaru barked.

"Hey, take it easy, alright? Remember, you want to be a good sannin now," Kabuto reminded him.

"Oh, right," Orochimaru said, catching himself before he could go overboard. "But then what should I do?"

"Wow, now that you ask, the list could go on and on. First of all, you've got to free all your test subjects, make up with the Third Hokage, the Akatsuki, and Jiraiya…oh, and then there's Sasuke—"

"Okay! Okay! I get it! It'll take a lot of work making me good, but where do I begin?" Orochimaru demanded.

"Just waltz back into Konoha and tell them you're sorry for being the lying, deceitful, cold-hearted serpent you've always been!" Kabuto advised.

"…Just like that?"

Kabuto nodded.

And it was Kabuto's easygoing response that made Orochimaru start _strangling_ him!

"T-that's n-not w-what a g-good guy w-would d-do!" Kabuto struggled to say.

Thud!

That was Orochimaru letting Kabuto fall onto the ground after he'd released him.

"I'm working on it," Orochimaru grouchily replied as Kabuto—gasping desperately for air—massaged his stinging reddish neck.

"Okay," Orochimaru continued, not really caring for Kabuto much at all. "I'll do as you'd suggested." _I mean, how hard can it be? _

"Ooh! I'm so glad you agree!" Kabuto gushed, the excitement radiating from his voice. "But let me get some of my Special Products first to get rid of the ashen vampire look! I'll give you a gorgeous bronze tan in a matter of minutes!" He leapt up from the floor and made a break for the door.

That is, until Orochimaru threw a kunai knife in Kabuto's direction, just barely missing him. Kabuto froze.

"If you do anything to my face, I'm afraid you won't live long enough to see the 'good sannin,'" Orochimaru threatened.

"Y-Yes, lord Orochimaru," Kabuto stammered.

So Orochimaru left his secret headquarters, riding on the back on Kabuto. "W-We're here, Master," Kabuto panted, collapsing from exhaustion.

Orochimaru just stepped off Kabuto and inhaled the fresh air, gazing fondly over the Leaf Village. "Ah, home sweet home. Do you think they'll accept me?"

"Well, do you?"

"Hey, have you forgotten?! I am your master! So answer me!"

But Kabuto didn't reply.

He was dead.

Orochimaru sighed. _Now I have to go and get another slave—although I don't think anyone would be as obedient as this one was…_

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming his way. _Uh-oh. My turn-to-good image will be ruined if anyone sees me with a dead guy. S/he will think _I_ did it! I must hide…_

So, he hastily did.

Just in time before Sasuke and Sakura came into view!

Orochimaru's eyes widened in shock. _Sasuke Uchiha? _Here_? This is just too good an opportunity to pass! Must… absorb… the… Uchiha… No!_

Orochimaru slapped himself in reminder of his new resolution. _I'm good now. I must resist that… delicious… temptation… _

He shook his head to rid himself of the thought. _Stop it! Think good, think _good_, THINK GOOD!_

"OHMYGOSH, IT'S OROCHIMARU!!"

Orochimaru turned his head quickly to see Sasuke quivering behind Sakura. "H-Hide me!"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "It's _just_ Orochimaru…"

"I swear! He's after me! He wants me! I'm not safe here!" Sasuke exclaimed frantically. "Let's go back to the village! It's safe there!"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. _So, the Uchiha's scared of me now, eh? Interesting…_

He slowly approached Sasuke and then lowered himself to his height. Orochimaru flashed his best attempt of a smile. "Why, hello!"

But his smile only wound up looking like an evil vampire grin, ready to sink bloodthirsty fangs into the nearest unsuspecting neck.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!" This time, both Sasuke _and_ Sakura made a mad dash for it.

Orochimaru glared at their fleeting backs. "Oh, c'mon. I can't be that scary." He turned around, and came face-to-face with a cow.

"MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

The cow—terrified out of its wits—died.

"Stupid cow…" Orochimaru huffed, "It's because I'm pasty and have purple eye shadow, is that it? Well, stop critiquing my—"

"YOU MURDERED MY COW!!" an unfamiliar woman screeched, almost irritating Orochimaru with her high-pitched shriek. But as Orochimaru was going for the nice-guy image, he tried to fix the situation.

"It's not dead," he lied before reaching to pick up the cow, trying to make it stand. "See?"

Clonk!

The cow fell down instantly. "EEEEEEEEKKK!!"

"Woman! Would you stop your screaming?!" Orochimaru bellowed, then hesitantly added—as if it was an afterthought, "…Please?"

"EEEEEEEKKK!! MURDERER!! HELP!! SOMEONE!! THIS VAMPIRE MURDERED MY COW!!"

"I'm not a vampire! I'm the Sannin, Orochimaru!"

"EEEEEEEEEKKK!! EVEN _WORSE_!!"

"But I'm not evil," he hastily added. "I've changed. I'm good now, see?" and to prove it, he offered her his hand.

Unfortunately, he forgot that that activated his snakes. _Oops…_

He could already see what was going to happen, but was unable to prevent it.

CHOMP!!

Orochimaru recoiled his snakes as soon as he could, but it was already too late. He slapped his hands against his cheeks. "Oh, no! I really am a bloody murderer! A BLOODY MURDERER!"

_"Bloody murderer…murderer…murderer…"_

Orochimaru's words echoed throughout the open field, and for a moment, Orochimaru stood in panicked silence.

Fortunately for him, no one heard.

Orochimaru breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh, well. It's not like anything can be done now. Time to go back to the village and make my reconciliations!"

So Orochimaru pranced into the village, taking the back road to avoid suspicions. After all, the first person he wanted to see was the Third Hokage.

Bursting into the room, Orochimaru held his arms out wide. "Sensei!"

Sarutobi nearly choked on his cigar. "Orochimaru?!" He went into a panic attack. "ANBU! ANBU! Dispatch the ANBU now! The village is under attack!"

Orochimaru just ignored the 3rd's freak-out. "Oh, don't be like that Sarutobi-sensei! You've got your old student back! And he's so happy to see you!" Orochimaru then flounced to his former sensei, broke through the desk, and embraced him in a hug. "Sensei! I missed you!"

The Third Hokage gasped for air. "S-Someone!" He rasped. "H-Help…" His voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over, the cigar falling from his mouth.

And then the Third died of a heart attack.

Of course, Orochimaru didn't quite realize that right away… "Ohh Sensei, just think of all the fun times we'll have together now that… … …sensei?" _Not _again_! Why does this keep happening? Why do I end up killing everyone? _

_Am I really meant to be evil? _

Before Orochimaru could ponder his question…

Bam!

The ANBU showed up, bursting through the doorway.

Late… but still here.

"Lord Hokage, are you alright?" an ANBU questioned—in which he got no response. "Lord Hokage?"

"He's dead," Orochimaru announced nonchalantly. _Duh. Even _I_ could see _that

"Dead?!" an ANBU gasped while another broke into a sob.

"Nnnoooo!" another ANBU screamed and another cried out, "Why? _WHY_?!"

"Don't cry," Orochimaru began, patting a sobbing ANBU on the back. "We still have—"

"Don't touch me, murderer," the ANBU barked, jerking himself from Orochimaru.

Orochimaru was stunned. "Now, I did _not_ murder my old sensei."

"And why should we believe _you_, Orochimaru?" another ANBU spat out accusingly.

"All I did was hug him…" Orochimaru mumbled in explanation, already foreseeing the outcome.

"I bet… _strangle_ him was more like it," an ANBU corrected in fury.

Orochimaru frowned. "You know, you're really hurting me…"

"_You_?"

"Ha! _That's_ a laugh…"

"You don't _have_ feelings!"

As the ANBU mercilessly took out their grief on the poor Orochimaru, quietly said, "I'm warning you, don't push my buttons…"

"What are you going to do? Kill us?"

"You asked for it."

Just because Orochimaru was turning good, doesn't mean he still could react in anger.

"That's it! I've had it! What did I do wrong to deserve this?! WHY CAN'T I CHANGE?!" Orochimaru bellowed.

The ANBU cringed in fear, expecting Orochimaru to kill them point-blank. But what they didn't see coming was that the whole ceiling came crashing down, burying them on impact.

Somehow, Orochimaru hadn't even felt anything. Instead, he just stood above the rubble, wallowing in his self-pity. "W-Why me? W-Why can't I just be the 'good sannin'?" he wept.

"WWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!" Orochimaru screeched. His loud shriek echoed throughout the whole village, causing the Hokage Rock to crumble away to an instant pile of…well…_rocks_.

The next thing Orochimaru knew was that all the villagers were standing around him, staring at his milky face. "What do you want with me?!" he demanded fiercely.

Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke up from the crowd, one full of promise and hope. "Orochimaru? Orochimaru, is that you?"

Orochimaru gasped at the sound of the voice. It was Jiraiya, his bestest friend in the whole world! "Yes, it's me!" he answered, suddenly happy again. "Finally, someone who'll accept me for who I am!"

Jiraiya scoffed. "Who said anything about _accepting_ you?! You snake vermin! I wished we'd never met! I HATE YOU!!"

What Jiraiya said…

Made Orochimaru start to bawl! "W-WHY?! W-WHAT DID I-I-I DO T-TO DESERVE T-THIS?!"

"YOU BETRAYED US!!" Jiraiya shouted viciously. "And for that, we can never forgive you."

"N-never?"

"_Never_," Jiraiya confirmed, and then turned his head to someone behind him. "Tsunade, will you do the honors?"

This was almost too much for Orochimaru to take. "Y-you too?"

Ignoring Orochimaru, Tsunade replied to Jiraiya "with pleasure" before she formed a fist and…

Well…before Tsunade could send Orochimaru to outer space, someone stopped her…

It was the Third Hokage!

Tsunade's eyes dilated in shock. "S-Sarutobi-sensei?"

Jiraiya and Orochimaru expressed equal concern. Orochimaru even started to tear up. "B-But Master, I-I thought I killed you…"

The Third just smiled. "Nonsense! You're too weak to kill someone like me!"

Orochimaru just ignored the insult: "But then how come…?"

The Hokage thought about it for a moment. "I was so surprised you had come back calling my name like that that I _almost_ died…but it was just a temporary state. I'm alive now, aren't I?"

"Yes you are, sensei!" Orochimaru exclaimed, and then gleefully embraced the Hokage in a death-hug.

Literally.

In the process of hugging his sensei, Orochimaru had "accidentally" cracked the Hokage's neck!

"Hehehehe…silly me…" Orochimaru sneered, dropping the corpse of his former sensei. "I guess you can never really turn a 'snake vermin' into a 'good sannin'! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!"

Yet before Orochimaru could savor the moment of his renewed evilness, he saw Tsunade's fist come flying at his face. "Uh-oh," he squeaked.

WHAM!

And so yeah, it turns out, Orochimaru did wind up getting punched into outer space.

* * *

**A/N:Craftygirl loves punching people into far places, don't you (if you're reading this as well, my co-author)?**

**Once again, if there were any errors (although we pray not) please inform us so that we can correct it ASAP. Thanks! **

* * *

**UPDATE: Thanks SOOOOOO much, Frog Lady, for pointing out that "brawl" to "bawl"! **


End file.
